Thursday, December 22, 2011

35 Week Update!!!


35  1/2 week update.....

I'm due on January 24....which means I have 33 days left!!  Of course, I'm not a fool to think I will actually deliver on my due date, so I can just say that Stanley will be here soon!  Here is what's going on....

(1) Good-bye sleep: I haven't had a good nights sleep since I actually got pregnant.  The endless waking up in the middle of the night to pee (2-4x's a night), the uncomfortable weight in my mid-section that keeps me rolling around all night, and the awesome nasal congestion (Rhinitis) makes for a sleepless concoction.  And...the kicker...I finally have dark under-eye circles!!!  THIS is the most recent thing, and it makes me crazy!  NO amount of makeup will cover these under-eye circles.  They aren't bags...just dark, thick rims that hang out under my eye.  I am hoping to GOD this goes away after pregnancy....or at least when I can start getting more sound sleep.  Otherwise, my ass will be running to the nearest Dermatologist as soon as Stanley gets here for cosmetic procedures.  I understand that pregnancy is not a glamorous time, but I refuse to go downhill that f'n quickly.  I can't wait to get these wrinkles filled in... I'm starting to look like a fat, wrinkled grandma. 

(2)  Hair Issues:  My hair came in super thick when I got pregnant.. as if this horses tail actually needed thickening.  The only problem is the shedding.  I shed like a German f*ckin Shepard.  There are blonde hairs EVERYWHERE!  You could seriously make a quilt with the hair I lose everyday.  I'm starting to think Brian wants to make a toupee out of all this hair.  If I were him, I'd probably wonder why some people have sooo much while others have sooo little.  Ok...I'm joking.  He could care less about hair.  Thankfully, my parents have ridiculously thick hair...so no matter how much I shed... I still have a thick head of hair.  I just have to carry lint rollers with me wherever I go. 

Now...everyone knows I dye this mop.  I am not really sure how light or dark my natural hair is because it started to darken in middle school, and I've been doing the roots ever since high school.  I also started doing high-lights years ago...to give my hair that extra pop of blonde.  The problem: My hair doesn't exactly like taking hair dye now.  Yes, I still dye my hair.  I know some ladies stop when they get pregnant, but I haven't.  I know PLENTY of people that dye their hair during pregnancy and nothing ever happens to the baby...I consider it an old wives tale that you can't dye while pregnant.  Anyway... my hair doesn't exactly look super blonde anymore.  It's more of a strawberry blonde... golden... brassy color.  And..it looks dull.  Some folks warned me this could happen.  Apparently your hormones go crazy, and the dye doesn't exactly take the way it did before.  This also irritates the sh*t out of me.  How am I supposed to look like a decent fat woman when my hair is all different colors??!?  Ok..ok.. it isn't that bad, but I notice a different and it irritates me.  I'm thinking about going straight platinum after the baby gets here....I'm ready to see some serious BLONDE!

(3) Contractions:  Ahh... the amazing contractions.  I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions weeks ago.  They, of course, freaked me out, but I had no idea how bad they would get.  And by bad I just mean intense enough for me to think I might be going into pre-term labor.  They don't hurt...well at least I don't think they do.  They are accompanied by cramping (something like a horrific menstrual cramp).  I never had a lot of cramps with my periods, so this is all new.  I have noticed these contractions are an everyday thing.  I get tons of them.  I read somewhere that if you have a lot of contractions in your third trimester it's actually a good thing.  Your body is not only getting ready for big day, but it won't be as difficult while in actual labor.  I'm hoping the latter is true! 

(4) Did I mention how tired I am???  Caffeine, my old friend, I miss you.  I know we see each other for a little bit every day (I have a can of diet soda every day for lunch...so sue me)...BUT it isn't enough.  I miss seeing you allllllll throughout the day.  I promise we will hang out much more when the baby comes.  Until then.... my heart bleeds for you.

**I still think my pregnancy has been fairly easy compared to some of the horror stories I've heard.  I'm just ready to see my little man and get into a rhythm of every day life with my new best friend.  I'm ready to work out like I used to.... I'm ready to have this back pain come to a halt... I'm ready to have MY body back to being just mine... I'm ready to not look like such a bloated, nasty animal... I'm ready for my new life to begin.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Hospital Bags Packed????


When to pack a bag....

So, I've heard of pregnant women that pack their hospital bag at 30 weeks, and I've heard of women that pack right before rushing out the door after their water breaks.  I've decided I will pack this week...35 weeks sounds pretty good to me.  Now, I have a list of everything I'm going to pack for me, Stanley, and Brian.  Yes, I will unfortunately be packing Brian's bag too.  If I left it up to him, he would pack everything he didn't need and forget the essentials. 

I feel I have such a long list of everything I need to pack, but I'm wondering if I'm really going to need all of this stuff.  AND....I've heard people tell me that they forgot things that didn't appear on any "Things you should pack" list. 

So....my question to all the mom's out there...  What was the absolute essential top 5 things you needed, what were the things you absolutely didn't need, and what would you tell a first timer to bring (perhaps something that gets overlooked on these lists)????

I would appreciate the feedback!!  Either comment on this blog or write to me on fb!! :)  All you mommy's have been super helpful this far!!

The Best & Worst of Pregnancy Coming To An End...


For the past couple of weeks, I've had the absolutely best and worst time being pregnant.  I thought I'd save the best for last.... so here we go...

Worst: It's impossible to sleep.  Sure, I get a couple of hours and wake up.  Go back to sleep....and then a couple of hours later I'm up again.  I have permanent eye bags.  My friends that have newborns assure me that I will get more sleep when he's actually here.  Sure...he won't always sleep through the night (blah, blah, blah), but at least I can go back to sleeping on my stomach and getting comfortable enough that when I do get in bed...it's all Zzzzz's!  I still get up every 2 hours to pee.  My OB says I need to cut off the water intake around 6pm.  However, I get so thirsty at night.  So..I usually end up drinking a bottle or two of water prior to bed time.  Whatever...I'm thirsty.  I can't help it.

As far as my weight, I've somehow managed to really pull out a big win during my third trimester.  (Weight gain or stability will always go in the "worst part of pregnancy" category, since it isn't losing pounds!!)  A lot of ladies have told me this was their real "gaining weight" trimester.  Luckily, my weight has seriously stabilized.  I literally have to gorge myself just to stay at the weight I'm at.  My body really wants to lose pounds.  He's gaining and is healthy so that's all that matters.  I've really had no food cravings, and I've not really been interested in eating.  I only eat because I feel he needs it.  My baby bump appears to be somewhat small to what I figured it would look like at this point.  Yes, I still have a belly button.  My boobs are massive, but I've let that issue go.  They are milk machine's for my new best friend....simple as that.

Back pain. Ahh...the amazing back pain.  It isn't severe every day, but it is most days.  Getting up out of bed..... getting up out of a chair.... rolling around in bed... PAINFUL!  It's like little Keebler elves are inside my lower back just shredding it with knives.  It's a pain that I've grown to deal with.  Yes, I look like an old woman trying to get up and get moving, but I figure it won't last forever.

A little more anxiety has floated my way.  To me, it's so surreal that I'm pregnant... I am having a baby boy... and I'm going to be a mom.  I am going to be in serious charge of someone for a VERY long time.  His survival is up to me.  I have to get him from baby status to man status.  Whoa... that is a huge task.  Yes, Brian and family will help me get him from point A to point B, but I always tend to think I have to be prepared for anything...and to do it on my own.  I mean seriously...what if something happened to Brian??  Or my family???  I would have to be able to deal with whatever comes my way.  I've always considered myself a bit of an overachiever.  I've worked my ass off for practically every damn thing I've achieved, so I just have to keep telling myself... I CAN DO THIS!  I think a little self doubt can be a great tool in achieving great successes in life.    

Enough of the worst part....on to the BEST PART of pregnancy....

BEST: The absolute best part of my day is when Stanley is up and moving around.  I'm convinced this child doesn't need a lot of sleep, because he tends to be awake more than asleep.  When I walk on the treadmill, he thinks it's time to walk too.  His legs stretch out at the top of my abdomen, and they start a walking motion.  He flails his arms about and punches my bladder to the point I double over.  If he wants to work out with his mommy, then I'm okay with that!!

He has incredibly strong legs.  At night time (and certain parts of the day), he has really gotten into stretching out his legs.  I turn over on my side so he doesn't kill my top abdomen....the part that has NOT wanted to stretch out at all.  The cutest little boy in the world stretches his feet out so I can rub them.  One night...he popped out a good two inches.  You could absolutely tell it was a foot hanging out...and omg... feeling those baby feetsies is something I can't even describe.  I LOVE those feet!  Brian, of course, seems to always miss his feet.  He is either out of town, sleeping, or working.  I don't think Brian thought it was possible to see these feet so clearly until for ONCE he saw them for himself.  Two nights ago, we hosted a Holiday Dinner for his company.  After we got home, Stanley was up and ready to stretch.  For once, Brian was up and was able to see a baby foot come stretching out the side of my stomach.  He could NOT believe it.  He got to rub on his little feetsies... in complete disbelief.  I love every kick and every stretch...I can see that being the only part of pregnancy I miss.

My feet!!!  Now, I hear a lot of women complain their feet got huge when they were pregnant.  Some women say their feet grew so much they never went back to the same shoe size (aanndd they have all these shoes they can no longer wear).  Thankfully, my foot hasn't grown at all!!  My little foot is still a little foot!  I wore my black party heels just the other night... who says pregnant women can't wear heels?!?!?


So... I really don't have many complaints.  I get acid reflux here and there... I don't sleep... I'm large... BUT I believe these are just temporary issues.  The reward at the end of all this (just 5 weeks away) is worth sooo much more.  I can't wait to see him and hold him...and I'm ready to rub those feet in person.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

CPR Class....with attitude!

T-minus 7 weeks...and counting!

So, Tuesday night I finally went to my Childcare CPR class. I was super excited because I've never taken a CPR class. Since I'm a new mom and more than likely going to be a freak about everything, I decided that I should prepare myself for everything and anything. CPR is a GREAT step!
The hospital only holds the class during the week (Tues) from 7-9pm. I didn't exactly like the evening time, but I figured it was worth it. The class is basically dedicated to all things necessary to keeping your child safe in the world around us. Here's how the class went...

I got there like 10 minutes early, because I'm just one of those excited parents. I quickly realize that I'm an early bird, while the rest of the class rolled in late. (side note: We had to start the class 10 minutes late because of the slow creatures slithering in). Anyway...I had to sit in the front because I get excited about all things knowledge. As we begin the class, it was beyond obvious that I was the ONLY pregnant lady without her spouse…and there were 10 couples!  I immediately felt all eyes on me....ya know, people wondering what the deal was. I was thanking GOD I wore my rings. My engagement ring is getting a little tight so I don't always put it on. Thankfully, I squeezed it on before I left. When people tend to see a pregnant lady without a wedding ring, they start thinking weird things and assume the worst. (Side note: My husband was out of town for work purposes; otherwise, he would have absolutely been there with me).

The class started out fine.  I was pretty aware of everything the instructor was telling us.  I think a lot of it is common sense, although common sense isn’t that common.  It’s really nice to reconfirm I’d make the right decision in case of an emergency with my child.  We were going over different scenarios of problems that could arise in daily life…..doing the “What-If” part of the class.  I’m great at this section because my mind always runs down crazy scenarios anyway.  I thought I’d ask a bunch of questions (ummm…I was the only one asking questions).  I just figure the instructor is there to answer anything I want to know…so I ask away!  There was only ONE Q&A issue I had that made my head spin!

SO… The instructor was talking about car seat safety.  She was going over how you are supposed to put the car seat in the back of the vehicle and in the middle seat.  Well, I’ve heard this before, but I had some issues with that.  I asked the instructor, “My husband has an SUV, and there is no middle seat in the second row.  So, do we put the car seat on the left or the right?”  She said, “Well, do you have a third row that has a middle/full seat?”  I said, “Yes.”  She said, “Well…do you really want to know the answer to this question?”  I thought…No, I was just asking to hear myself speak.  Idiot!  I replied, “Well….yea.”  She said, “You will have to put the car seat way in the back in the third row…in the middle.”  I thought…ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  Who does that?  I mean… my husband is expected to crawl all up in the back of his SUV just to get our baby in a damn car seat?  I’m little and that would be a huge task for me to complete.  SO…this brought me to my next question….

I asked the instructor, “Okay, I have a car and am I really supposed to put the baby in the middle seat?  I mean what if I’m in a parking lot and struggling to get in the back of my vehicle just to secure my son…and some person comes along and robs me at gunpoint because I’m focusing on my child and not paying attention to my surroundings??  Am I really supposed to do all that?”  The class started laughing a little because I think it was a valid and yet bordering ridiculous question.  So… the instructor says, “Yep, you gotta do it.”  She didn’t answer the gunpoint question.  (shitty face).  THEN (here is the point where I got crazy)… some ugly-ass bitch from across the room says, “Well, looks like you need a new car!”  I asked her to repeat herself in which she did.  And…the whole room started to chuckle at the whole scenario.  I immediately got PISSED!  I said, “Are you kidding me?  I drive a JAG!  It’s brand new…I don’t think I’m going to be giving that up anytime soon.  I mean would you give up a Jag?”  The men in the room all said, “No! NO!  I wouldn’t give up no Jag!”  Well…fuck no!  It’s a very reliable car…it’s not like I’m driving the BMW Z4 two-seater convertible anymore.  I had to give up two-seaters for family life.  So…what was her reply, you ask??  She said, “Oh.”  OH?!  That was the best thing she should say?? Oh?!  Bitch stepped to me as if I was some peasant rolling around in a broken down piece of shit…and she says OH?!??!  I WANTED to say, “Bitch, what the fuck do you drive?  From the looks of your haggard face and clothing, I’m guessing YOU probably need a new car.  You probably drive a clunker that breaks down every five minutes.  It’s probably one step up from a Schwinn Bicycle. Ya dumb bitch!”  Thankfully, I didn’t say all of that, but I didn’t understand why she thought I needed a new car based on the fact that I was just asking questions.  

Overall, I enjoyed what I learned in the class, and I’m glad I decided to take it.  I feel super confident I can give CPR to a baby/toddler/adult.  We must always expect the unexpected.  And…I learned that if someone makes a ridiculous comment to me…I’m able to bite my tongue (AS MUCH AS I DON’T WANT TO).  After class, I got in my Jag and sped off...hoping I'd run over the haggard bitch.  


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!


I wanted to wish everyone a HAPPY & SAFE THANKSGIVING! 

I'm very thankful for my husband, Stanley, family, and friends.  I have been unbelievably blessed in life.  I hope everyone is thankful for every single blessing in their life.  And please remember:  The things we don't recognize as blessings might just turn into a blessing down the road.  I can't tell you how many times I felt down on my luck... unhappy... or like I made a poor decision in life.  There was a time when I didn't feel overly blessed.  You must always remember that trying times get us to where we need to be down the road.  SO....always be thankful... even if you're going through a tough time.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Be thankful for trying times and rocky roads.  Be thankful for what you have...not what you don't have.  Be thankful for every single person in your life.  Be thankful for being YOU! 

Now.....go eat some TURKEY  .... Gobble Gobble!! :)

Update: 31 weeks!


Update: This is nothing major....just updating on my current pregnant condition. 

I'm 31 weeks into my pregnancy. First thought: WOW...this has gone so fast!!  And...I assume it doesn't intend on slowing down, since the holiday's always seem to speed everything up!  I can't tell you how pleased I am with that!

Belly Button: Yes, I still have a belly button!  I think it's trying to disappear, but it's still holding very strong.  I have 9 weeks left, so I'm wondering when it's going to disappear (if at all).  I don't think at this point I'm in the running to be one of those ladies with the "poking out" type of belly button.  Not that any of that really matters, but it's like a small victory in my mind.  And what is up with the belly button ring question??  I can't tell you how many freaking people have asked me if I had to take my belly button ring out.  I HAVE NEVER EVER had a belly button ring...nor will I ever.   That was never my style....because frankly I don't show my belly unless it's bikini season.  Now, with that said, if you DO have a belly button ring... good for you.  I'm not saying anything negative about belly button rings.  Lord knows...Everyone gets so offended by shit I say.  I like piercings just as much as I love tattoo's.  AANNDD... a very large majority of  my friends have all kinds of piercings: belly buttons, nipples, tongue rings, and everything else you can imagine.  So, no need to flip out because I say they aren't for me.  MMMMMKKKK.

Weight:  No...I will not be telling you my weight.  I will tell you my weight AFTER I lose it all.  All I will say about it.... I haven't gained a pound in almost 3 weeks.  My Doctor thinks my weight is perfect...and my child is very healthy.  Will I bitch about  my overall weight gain??  Absolutely!  A year ago I'd bitch if I was over 100lbs (sad but true).  It's my thing.... so don't judge me.  People have already said, "Do NOT get as skinny as you were before you got pregnant!"  Plus, they add a weight they think would be perfect for me.  I appreciate your concern or opinion; however, I GOT THIS!! Shooot.... I worry about my weight more than anyone ever could... so before you say anything...I ALREADY KNOW!! :)  My first priority in life is my child....not my weight.  Even though I won't be letting myself go, like a certain person told me (obviously this person is no longer my friend...lol), I still intend on being just as healthy as I always have been.  NUFF SAID!

Appearance: Weight is one thing....my overall appearance is another.  Yes, I have added some extra chunk, but IMHO I don't even resemble the person I used to be.  I NEVER get a manicure anymore.  I NEVER get a spray tan.  I NEVER wear cute clothes (kind of hard at this point anyway).  I RARELY wear makeup.  It's like...what is the point?!  Being tan, properly manicured, and dressed up is NOT going to make me look that much better.  It's a mess.  I usually wear my husband's PJ's around the house, because they are so large.  I honestly prefer them over anything else.  And...I don't even own makeup for this pale of skin.  My husband tells me to go out and buy a bunch of maternity clothes... pj's... makeup... whatever I want.  BUT... everyone who knows me already knows...I'm a huge cheapskate.  I don't see the point in buying a ton of maternity clothes when I won't be staying this size.  Yes, I've purchased some clothes because I can't wear my husbands pj's out of the house...but overall... I just refuse to buy a bunch of clothes that aren't really my style anyway.  I've always hated spending money on clothes...I never saw the point.  You're either a good looking person or you aren't....expensive clothes aren't going to make anything better.  I'd rather spend my time buying my child clothes...ya know... clothes he will be growing out of pretty much as soon as he arrives.  :)

Topic of Conversation:  I want to talk about Stanley...and then I want to talk about Stanley some more...and THEN after that...I would like to continue talking about him.  The number one topic on my mind is my child.  Yes, I will talk to my worst enemy if they want to discuss how cute my child is.  Absolutely!  Yes, I can't wait to go to the doctor because it's all about his health.  Yes, even though I am the biggest cheapskate in the world, I have no problem dropping massive amounts of money on anything that has to do with him.  I don't even think twice about it.  If you get me on the phone, I will tell you about his kicks and how cute he is.  I got those 4D ultrasound pictures over a week ago, and I'm still not done talking about them.  I always wonder if it gets annoying to people.  I never got annoyed or get annoyed when other people talk about their children.  I love hearing stories about kids... they say and do cute things!  Who wouldn't want to hear about that?  I honestly try to dial it down....I don't want people to think I only care about Stanley.  I can't help it though... he already does cute things...and I want to talk about it all the time.

What's Stanley up to??:  Well, he kicks pretty much allll day.  Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't need naps.  The child is constantly moving.  He pretty much stays balled up (I know because I can feel where his powerful legs are).  Certain times throughout the day he does like to try the stretching out thing.  His feet go right to the tippy top of my stomach....and he pushes his foot out and leaves it for awhile.  It tend to make my whole body move...so I jerk a lot.  Yea, it looks like I'm going through something.  He sometimes hits the top of my rib, which I think tickles.  He just started kicking at my ribs on the side which pretty much sucks.  It's like a sharp pain... it's not my favorite... but totally bearable.   I can't be mad at him for trying to stretch and grow.  I do have a very short torso...so it's not like he has a ton of room.  We're getting our 2nd 4D ultrasound in 2 weeks...so I'm hoping he keeps his hands and feet out of his face.  I just love seeing his sweet little face.

Other Topics:  Acne is all gone...thank GOD!  The boobs are still massive and getting bigger, but I've gotten over bitching about them.  I just see them as milk tanks for my precious angel.  They won't be there forever... I'm ready to be an A again!  Swelling...I have been extremely lucky in this department.  I only swell when I travel....and my Doc has told me I'm done with traveling!  So, my fingers tend to swell a little ... that engagement ring is getting a little tight.  I can still wear it, but some days it's a little tighter than others.  I usually just wear my wedding ring with my right hand diamond ring.  My left hand and right hand ring fingers are different sizes.  As far as my ring fingers go.... Left hand sizes in at a 4 1/4... my right hand sizes in at a 4 1/2.  So I just leave my gorgeous engagement ring in a box...and the right hand ring goes to my left...it looks a little like I'm trying to create a diamond ring sleeve on my left ring finger.  Back pain...unreal.  It feels a little like someone is trying to slice my back with a sharp knife every-time I try to lift something or get up or turn over in bed.  It doesn't really bother me as long as it goes away when my lil punkin gets here...otherwise I am gonna have trouble lifting him.  I also see ladies having issues shaving when they're pregnant, but I haven't had any issues with that yet.  I have 9 weeks left, but the shaving is just as easy as it always was.  Perhaps we shouldn't believe everything we see on TV! :)

Monday, November 21, 2011

Go Through A Little Panic!

Throughout the day, I get super excited and antsy to have my little boy!  I think of all the things we will get to do together....all the outfits I'm gonna put him in... and all the great moments we get to share.  BUT... at nighttime, I go through a little panic.  At night, when I'm in bed, I start thinking about the person he will turn out to be.  I mean there are soooo many different types of men in the world.  Some are successful, some are lazy, some are intelligent, some are assholes, some are players, and some are the nicest guys in the world.  I, like any other parent, want my child to be the best he can be.  AND... I know that all starts with good parenting.

When I run into a guy (or person for that matter) that really sucks, I think to myself...WOW, his parents didn't go a very good job and someone obviously didn't love him enough.  Now, I completely understand every parent makes mistakes.  I am not going to freak out over every little thing I do wrong, but I would like a game plan on how to get him to where he needs to be in life.  I think I have to start drilling him with the important things: always do what is right in your heart, treat others as you would want to be treated, don't lie (especially to mommy) and never take anything for granted.  I want him to be humble... appreciate what he has.  He should never covet.  I don't know why anyone would actually want to be like someone else or have what someone else has.  If you can't accomplish it on your own or obtain it on your own, then you don't deserve it...it was never meant to be yours.  He should have goals...and I will do my absolute best to help him achieve those goals (no matter what they are).  Yes, I would like my child to make straight A's, go to a great college, and become a very successful person.  BUT... I fully understand that it isn't my path to take.... it is my baby boy's path to take....I just get to go along for the beautiful ride.  Of course I will drill into his head that education is VERY important, but I have to accept that he may not want to go to college.... he might want to move to Hollywood and become an actor... or be a truck driver... or be a club promoter.  I mean...it's his choice.  BUT...It doesn't mean I won't try to guide him into doing what I want! :)   

I look at other men in the world (my husband, men in my family, guy friends, guy's I know) and I would like to pull the best traits from those men and place them in my little boy.  I want him to be goal oriented, smart, a good friend, social, kind, a man's man, emotional (at times when appropriate), realistic, and a real gentleman.  Sure I have a million more...but we can start with those.  I want him to respect all women.  Although, I don't want a woman to walk all over him.  I hate those men with zero backbone and let women walk all over them.  I won't have my son following a loser woman around like a puppy.  He needs to go for the right woman.... someone that is his match.  I refuse for him to marry a lazy woman who has zero skills or a brain, for that matter. It MUST be someone mommy likes!!! (now...I ask you... is that possible to really like your daughter-in-law??? OR....your mother-in-law???)  I am doubtful, but I will try to get the best possible outcome! 

These are just a kernel of thoughts that run through my head.  Should I worry this early about his outcome??  I don't think it's unreasonable.  I just want the best for my child....like every other parent ... good parent, that is! :)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

My First Baby Class!


Last weekend I went to my first baby class!!  It was called 'From Pregnancy to Parenthood."  Now, they have these classes during the week, but they are night classes.  I don't do night classes.  My husband is out of town too much for me to spend anymore time away from him.  SO... I made him take the all day Saturday class with me!  8am-4pm!  Here's how it went...

We were the first ones to arrive.  Naturally, we took seats in the very front of the class....I always preferred sitting in the front of the class.  Anywho... as 12 couples rolled in slowly (majority were late)... it was obvious I was the most excited to be there!  Nobody else really seemed that enthusiastic, but I figured they were just having pregnancy irritability issues.  We started our class by introducing ourselves, stating our due date, and saying whether we were having a boy or a girl.  Some people whispered their names and seemed so unsure of what was going on.  When it came my turn, I was beyond excited to shout out my name and tell everyone I was having a BOY!  To say I was overly enthused... is QUITE an understatement.  (I immediately had a flash back to a college theater class where my professor called me 'Bubbles' because I was super bubbly.) 

So ... we get into the subject of pregnancy.  What to expect during our final months... when to call your Doctor... etc.  I knew all of this stuff.  The day after I found out I was having a baby...I went out and bought a bunch of pregnancy books and read them from front to back.  I also have a great group of friends that have shared their stories of pregnancy with me.... they are very helpful in preparing their little Sammy friend.  Ok... so the instructor broke us up into groups for a small exercise.  The men went into another room, while us ladies stayed put.  We were all to come up with the TOP 10 issues or concerns we were going through (regarding the pregnancy).  One of the ladies took to a large sheet of paper and started writing down our issues (as we all yelled them out). (1) Swelling (2) Back Pain (3) Insomnia (4) Moving is harder (5) Hormonal (6) Worry (7) Heartburn (8) Crazy Cravings (9) Uncomfortable (10)... nobody could seem to come up with anything else.  I thought...ARE YOU ALL CRAZY?!?!  I immediately scream out ..WEIGHT GAIN!  Considering I was one of the smallest ladies in the room, I assumed someone would have yelled that out first.  So...my contribution was fatso complaining.  Does that surprise anyone?? 

The men finally come in with their TOP 10 list of concerns/issues.  As I quickly scroll down the list with my eyes, I look to Brian and ask, "Omigod, which one did you contribute?"  He said, "I didn't say anything. These guys had everything under the sun to complain about, but I wasn't about to participate."  I give him that look (you know the one....like... Are you bullshitting me?).  He knows that look very well.  He says,"I swear I didn't say one thing." So... the guy's list... (1) No more independence (2) Lack of sleep (3) Money (4) Caring for an infant (5) Lack/no sex (6) Wife's body changes (7) Dealing with her attitude (8) Having to do more (9) Worry (10) Am I ready?  

The instructor starts getting into our concerns/issues one by one.  The females list was much easier to get through... it is what we bitch about every single day.  No surprise to anyone.  While going through the men's list, NO MAN wanted to admit certain issues they contributed.  I immediately knew Brian didn't have those issues..well maybe (7) Dealing with her attitude.  ;)  That's anytime though...not just pregnancy related! LOL. Otherwise, I quickly realized none of that had anything to do with him.... I knew he was telling the truth.  As we went through the list, the women started getting pissy.  No more independence??  Caring for an infant??  Having to do more??  Am I ready??  Well... damn... if you men weren't ready, then you shouldn't be bangin your ladies!  The HUGE issue the women had... "Wife's body changes."  The instructor asked who had that concern....NOBODY said anything.  Some guy raised his hand and said, "Ok...I swear I didn't say that one, but the guy that did said he didn't really care for the way his wife looked and he was worried she would never look the same again."  The ladies quickly looked at their men.  I asked Brian, "Which dumbass said that?"  He wrote down on a piece of paper..."Orange Shirt."  LOL - I immediately look at the dude in the orange shirt....Not even close to attractive.  His poor wife has no idea that he thinks she is unattractive... but his loser ass should look in a mirror and drop about 100lbs.

We finished up the first portion of the class and took a hospital tour (which I'd already taken).  Brian hadn't seen the brand new hospital yet, so he enjoyed it.  As we walked around, we heard a lullaby come over the intercom.  Apparently, whenever a lullaby plays throughout the hospital, it means a new baby has just been born.  I thought that was very cute...and I realized someday that lullaby will be for me and Stanley.  We broke for an hour lunch...and Brian and I went to a nearby restaurant.  The beginning of our lunch was me asking..."OK...who said 'Dealing with her attitude'?"  He went through each of the 10 issues and told me which guy had the issue.  It was hilarious.  We basically dissected the whole first portion and went back.

The second half of the class was basically when the baby gets here: Learning to hold the baby, Changing the baby, and Swaddling.  The instructor looked at me and said, "Well some of you just look like natural mommy's!"  I decided that was my GOLD STAR for the day.  The lady across from me couldn't change a diaper...and swaddling was NOT her strong point.  Her husband kept correcting her.  Throughout the whole day of learning, these people had such a look of worry and uncertainty on their faces.  I just approached everything with confidence.  Brian has done all this before so he was the most skilled man...and like usual....he did everything in record time.  Although, I think I'm better at holding a baby! 

The class was pretty informational, but I felt I knew the majority of the stuff.  The only thing I didn't enjoy was watching two video's of women giving birth.  I don't know why I  have to see that.  I will NEVER have that view...EVER!! I will be feeling it...not looking at it.  And why...oh why ... do they have to show the most unattractive females giving birth?  I can't relate to some frazzled lady that looks like she won a hairy beaver contest.  I, of course, was making comments the whole time to Brian.  Needless to say, he was a little more mature than I was.  He waited until we left to bust on the video's. 

All in all, it was a good class.  It made me feel more confident about what I already knew...and I did learn a couple of things!  I new I was mentally prepared for everything, but this just ensured me that I was ready.  It confirmed my readiness.  (I'm talking about readiness for labor....not having a baby.  I was born to have children.... the readiness was there before I got pregnant).  I'm sure as the big day approaches I'll start to freak out a bit.  Hopefully, I will be able to stay focused.   

Saturday, October 29, 2011

My Brush With Death...


I almost had a brush with death today!!  Okay, maybe not death...but serious injury!! 

I finally got over my 6 day migraine, so I was feeling sooo great!  I wanted to get out of the house and at least run some errands....aanndd  shop for Stanley.  Shopping for Stanley makes everything much MUCH better in life.  Okay, so I bought him some cute stuff at Baby Gap... and decided to head to the grocery store to get a few items (milk, bread, etc). 

SO...  I park my car and start walking into the grocery store.  I get up to the crosswalk into the grocery, and the car to my left stopped for me.  I did have the right of way...since I'm a pregnant pedestrian and all!  So, the car to my right is still rolling along, but the guy was driving slowly.  I sometimes drive slowly when someone is crossing the street too.... no reason to stop when you are somewhat far away.  HOWEVER, I always stop when I get near someone.  OK... so I pass the car on my left... no issue.  I notice the car traveling on my right is STILL ROLLING!  I assume this idiot is going to stop for me...since everyone else had noticed the fat pregnant woman waddling along.  I look over to my right...and DUDE ISN'T GOING TO STOP!  I tried to hurry as fast as I could across the street, which at this point isn't that damn fast.  AND the old F*CKBAG was within an inch (or less) of hitting my right leg!  I screamed, "Are you gonna f*cking see me or what?!?!"  Clearly.... he didn't even see me!!!  I quickly turned around in disbelief.  I couldn't believe that guy didn't see me.  WELL....this guy had to be 90 years old....with a handicapped tag hanging from his rear-view mirror.  This idiot shouldn't be driving.


Three boy-scouts were outside of the grocery and three of their fathers.  They were selling something...I was too frazzled to notice.  The men came running over... they couldn't believe that old man didn't see me.  One guy said, "Even after you yelled, I swear he never saw you."  They were all stunned that this old fart just NEVER saw me...even though it appeared he was looking right at me.  It's like he looked right through me.  As all the folks stood there in shock outside the grocery, I'm pretty sure we all thought the same thing.  SOMEONE upstairs HAD to be looking out for me and Stanley cakes.  Had he hit me....OMG... lord would have to have mercy on his soul.  Honestly, if he would have hit me, he probably wouldn't have even realized it....or his dumbass would have pushed on the gas in his confused state.  It could have been a very bad accident.  AND...if something would have happened to my sweet baby boy, that old man would be living his last hours....cause I already know myself or someone in my family would have shot him.  (AND...I don't mean shot in the head.  I mean shot in the legs and allowed him to bleed out in pain). 


So... after all that, I continued that task at hand...grocery shopping.  I was completely still in shock at what had just happened.  I called my mom immediately to tell her my brush with the old f*ckbag.  As I was shopping and complaining about the old piece of dirt, I see an old man on a RASCAL (ya know...the riding shopping carts for the elderly and disabled).  It was the guy that almost killed me!!!  AND....he took his rascal and ran right into a fully stacked shelf.  He ran into the shelf so hard... food fell off.  I couldn't believe my eyes....WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THIS OLD PIECE OF DIRT?!?!


As I left the grocery, one of the boy-scout dads walked me across the street....STILL in disbelief of what he saw.  I told him, "That man should not be driving!  He is gonna kill someone."  I loaded my car up and left.  I see the old fart get into his car and start driving VERY SLOWLY away.  I pulled behind him and got his license plate number...I contemplated calling 911.  BUT...here was my mental struggle... is this an emergency??  I mean he ALMOST hit me, but he didn't actually hit me.  My whole thing was.... this man could possible kill someone.  What if a child had been walking across the street??  Or an elderly woman?  They wouldn't have been as lucky as I was.  I still didn't know if I should call the police.  Lord knows this man should NOT be driving.  I was praying a cop was in the vicinity...so I could stop and tell him to follow him (just so he could see this old man's driving skills).  I wasn't about to follow this old man very long...as he swerved all over the road.  It simply wasn't safe for me or my child to drive near him.  So, I stepped on the gas and my Jag got me the hell out of there.  I do regret not calling the authorities now.  I'm so afraid this guy is going to kill someone.  I still don't know what I could or should have done.  I've been struggling with it for hours....




Monday, October 24, 2011

Irrational Occasionally!

So, last week I posted a rant on facebook about how I was sooo ready to move from TN already.  A lot of people contacted me wanting to know why?!!?  They wanted to know WHAT HAPPENED?!?  Okay, I thought I would let non-mother's into the wonderful world of pregnancy. 

I got up Wednesday morning thinking I would take the trash out...ya know, because Thursday is "trash day."  I didn't feel like doing it first thing in the morning...and besides... I had all day to do it.  SO... around noon... I see the TRASH MEN picking up the neighbors trash!!! I sent Brian a text wanting to know what was going on!!!  (Side note: Brian was out of town...in California for work).  He sent me text back saying "trash day" is Wednesday.  CRAP!!  I totally got the wrong day.  I had a serious meltdown.  Brian told me I shouldn't take out the trash, because he didn't want me carrying or pulling a heavy trashcan.  I see his point, but damn....I'm not that fragile.  (I tend to think I can do more than pregnant women are supposed to be doing).  ANYWAY...
I basically wanted to move because THE TRASH MEN CAME ON THE CORRECT DAY.  THAT is what hormones do to pregnant women.  At the time, I thought it was a completely rational reason to move immediately.  Now, I think it's silly, but whatever... I had a moment. 

So...when you see me raging over something on facebook, just calm down.  I'm a crazy person most days.  I will have a second home in Florida, but I swear I'm not permanently moving there.  I do think I will have one more major move within the next couple of years, but it won't be because the trash men came on the correct day.  :) My husband is beyond successful, so a move would be due to his occupation.  Lesson is: Sam is hormonal and irrational occasionally... don't take my rants too seriously!   

   

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

DREAM a little DREAM!


Pregnancy dreams can be a little outrageous.  They are vivid and usually stressful for me.  HOWEVER, last night I had the BEST dream ever!

I don't normally go into my dreams, because I think it's such a waste of time.  BUT... this was my first fun pregnancy dream.  I got to see my son!!!  His face was soooo cute... his little features and bald head.  I mean...I was in heaven.  He made these cute little faces, and he wiggled around (just like he does in my tummy). 

For the majority of the dream, I was trying to breastfeed...which I pretty much failed at.  He either couldn't latch on right...or I didn't know exactly how to hold him.  He eventually got milk, but ya know...it was a maneuvering project.  I just remember the dream took place over a two day period... the days I got home from the hospital.  I just wanted to watch him the whole time.  I was constantly wondering if he needed to be changed... he needed food... or if he was breathing.  I would watch him sleep...just watching him breathe.  AND...I, of course, woke him up several times...because he was so darn cute.  I just wanted him to look at me. 

Overall, it was the best dream I've ever had.  And...somehow... I think it really rings true to how I'm gonna be after he's born.  When I woke up, I was a little pissed.  I wasn't done playing with Stanley!!

Hopefully, I have more dreams like that!!  :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Women Are Superior!

I almost feel sorry for men.

They are these creatures that walk around and aren't able to create a life in their own bodies.  Even if they can feel their baby kick inside mom's belly, it isn't the same thing as the woman feels.  They don't get the same experience at all. Sure, they feel like the lucky ones.  Men don't have to gain weight and actually birth a child...so I'm sure they feel like they hit the lottery most days.  They can do physical activities, work, provide care to the best of their ability, and donate sperm to a woman.  So...YES, ladies, men are actually needed in the whole life process.  They just don't get the same experience. 

If we look at the whole man vs woman thing, I think the magical part of being a woman is actually having a child.  In other words.... FEMALES are much stronger than males. :)  Yes, I said it...and I 100% believe it.  We are MUCH stronger than men.  Men go to work and come home after a "stressful" day....only to complain about how hard their job is.  GIVE ME A BREAK.  I'm sure most of these men really do have stressful days, but women in the work world have the same stress.  Women just deal with it differently.  In fact, I think most men are complete babies when it comes to bitching about stress.  They always feel they have soooo much on their plate.... yet women do to.  I guess we just expect to have more on our plate, because we are women.  So.... we don't complain about it in the same way.  And... more than likely... us ladies have that girlfriend we can call and complain to quite often.  Men don't necessarily do that.  They bottle their stress, and let it build up.  Perhaps that's why they keep themselves in a constant state of stress. 

Okay...so, women have the babies.  It means we gain a ton of weight...stop drinking... stop going out to nightclubs... can't fit into our wardrobe... BASICALLY...we give up a year of our lives to provide care for a child that lives in our tummy.  Men don't have to do any of this stuff.  They can come home after a long day and have a cocktail (ok...they can have as many cocktails as they want).  They can continue going to the gym and wear the same clothes.  They can go out with their friends on a Friday night (if they so choose).  They never get kicked in the gut by their baby.  And...most importantly ... they don't have to birth an 8lb child. 

Pregnant women can't just come home after a long day on her swollen feet and have a couple dozen cocktails because her back is killing.  Pregnant women can't go out to nightclubs to all hours of the night in a cute little dress with high heels (ok...maybe some can but I wouldn't recommend it...and it may be a red flag that you're gonna be a horrible mom).  Pregnant women can hit the gym, but they can't always do the hardcore work-outs they did before.  Besides... we can't keep our amazing abs in check.  Now... men can do all that, but let's face it.... a lot of men gain weight right along with their pregnant ladies.  Actually, MOST men gain a ton of weight just after high school.  You know what I'm talking about.  I'd say 97% of the guys I went to high school with look a HOT damn mess.  They are out of shape... and look as if they let themselves go the day after high school graduation.  LOL - and...it seems like it's always the most popular/good-looking guys that look like that.  No offense to anyone...but YOU all have to know it's true..OR perhaps you're in denial.  That lone 3% actually managed to continue on with their good looks or even look better than ever.  Good for you, men!  And... men can go out to social functions every night if they choose.  Pregnant ladies are too tired for that.  Frankly, if my husband decided to have a "boys night" out, he would find his clothes on the front porch when he came home.  He knows better. 

This leads me to BIRTHING a child.  I honestly don't think men could ever have the strength to do this.  Okay, so SOME men might be able to hack it, but I honestly don't believe the majority could deal with it.  The human race would come to a screeching halt if men had babies.  Men are such wimps...they just don't want females to figure it out.  Sorry men... we know! 

Men get so disgusted by changing a dirty diaper.  You'd think they wouldn't .... lord knows.... they spend enough hours in the bathroom dumping it up.  Perhaps it's because men don't do the best job wiping their own asses... so maybe they are intimated having to wipe someone elses.  Men can't take pain.  AND if they are ever in any pain, they make a HUGE production out of it.  If something falls on their foot... yelling, cussing, and a time-out is needed.  If they get a cut, they need to stop everything because they are bleeding to death.  They convince everyone they might need stitches for a small scratch.  If they get a charlie horse, everyone in the neighborhood needs to hear the "OWWWWW!"  If they get a headache, they need to get in bed and can't continue on with life.  AND...someone please explain to me the need for men to "walk it out."  They have to walk everything out...yet nothing ever seems to get worked out that way.   

Honestly, I'm not scared to change a diaper or clean up vomit.  It doesn't phase me.  If something falls on my foot, I might make a face depending upon how bad it hurt, but you will NEVER hear me scream about it.  I'm more of a ... "stand in one place and hold your foot for a second" type.  As long as nothing is broken, I can get moving...even if it's with a limp.  If i get a cut, it's really not a big deal....as long as I don't get blood on my nice clothes!!!  If I get a charlie horse, you can be sitting right next to me, and you'd never know I was having the worst cramp of my life.  I just don't think we need a production.  I dream about the day when I can have headaches over migraines.  Us ladies tend to function just fine with even the worst migraines. 

Now, with all of that said.... we all still adore our men.  They have flaws just like we do, BUT they will never be as strong as us ladies.  Ladies know this...men haven't figured it out yet.  Women are the superior beings... we just allow men to think differently.  It must be the motherly instinct in us. :)

Now...if we could just get a woman President, the whole world would make sense.....

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Crying Game


Let me just discuss the uncontrollable crying one goes through when they are pregnant.

Ok, let me first say...I really don't cry!  I'm not an overly emotional person.  In fact, I don't understand those people who are that way.  You know the types....they will cry about anything...anywhere.. anytime.  Frankly, I would be embarrassed to be that type.  I can't even be friends with those people....not because they are bad or anything...I just DO NOT understand those types.  My step-daughter, almost 14-years-old, will cry about ANYTHING... ANYWHERE... ANYTIME!  I wouldn't be caught dead crying in the middle of a crowd at Universal Studios ... or school... or the mall... BUT she does that.  AND...I don't get it.  I get you cry when you're a kid, but damn... when you reach like 10.... that crying shit looks silly.  Now....I TOTALLY get crying over something serious or highly emotional.  If you have a death in the family, a serious illness, or if you find out your parents are getting divorced, then I TOTALLY understand crying.  I can even do the crying thing when you're happy for yourself or a loved one.  That is all understandable to me.  Ya know, I would hate those girls in school that would cry every time they got their feelings hurt.  They were sooooo delicate, while everyone thought I was just hardcore (as if I didn't have feelings).  I have feelings.  I just don't choose to cry while I'm having a feeling.  Do I cry?  Absolutely!  I'm just like everyone else.  But I usually only cry when I'm really REALLY hurt.  AND... I try very hard to cry with nobody else around.  I guess I kind of see crying as a weakness. I will participate in the crying game but very rarely. 

HOWEVER.... when you get pregnant, it's a whole new ballgame.  I haven't been overly emotional thus far in my pregnancy, but sometimes I get a surge of this need to cry.  Ok...it's really only happened twice, but that is quite enough for me.  I've heard of pregnant ladies crying every single day....ugh... THAT would suck.  I HOPE I don't turn into that type.  UGH. 

Two weeks ago, I was leaving the grocery after a long day of shopping and running errands.  While I was shopping, I had this overwhelming sadness that came over me.  I couldn't figure out what the issue was, but I just went with it.  I started racking my brain for an explanation.  I kept asking myself, "Sam, why the hell are you so sad?  Did something happen today?"  I couldn't figure it out.  By the time I got out to the car, I felt like someone had just died.  I threw my groceries in the car, got in, and CRIED my eyes out.  I cried allllll the way home.  AND...it wasn't a little sniffle here and there...it was a full out BAWLING my eyes out.  As I pulled into my driveway, I just prayed that the neighbors weren't outside.  I didn't want to explain that I was crying FOR NO REASON!  Thank God they weren't out.  I carried all my items in .... crying.  I put up the groceries... crying.  I sat down... cried...and cried... and CRIED!!  It was sooo ridiculous.  There was no reason for my crying...except that I'm pregnant and hormones make you ridiculous.

I went through the same thing this evening.  I started bawling my eyes out for no reason.  I'm just thankful this hasn't happened in front of anyone.  

So, as I sit here, I currently have blood shot eyes that are super puffy.  My cheeks are all red, and I look like hell.  Pregnancy can make a woman beyond ridiculous....and super unattractive.  Now, let me pick up this pile of Kleenex.   

Friday, October 7, 2011

Little Feet ...

(PLEASE NOTE: The above picture is NOT my stomach.  I still have a belly button... THANKS!)

You really can't be upset during the day when little feet pop out of your tummy.

For several weeks, I've had the pleasure of seeing Stanley's feet and arms pop out of my tummy.  He likes to kick and punch.  I LOVE pulling my shirt up so I can see my tummy when he kicks.  He's to the point where he doesn't just kick, but he will leave his foot out for a second.  I love feeling his feet from this side of the womb.

When my OB puts a fetal heart monitor on my belly, he kicks it!  He's beyond accurate in his kicks... I'm just assuming my child is an amazing kicker.  He MUST be the only baby that does this (so I tell myself)...which makes him the smartest baby in a womb.

Now, I've already started bragging about my lil man, and he isn't even here yet.  I always rush home with my ultrasound pictures, and I show Brian exactly how amazing his child is.  The potential in this child... is just out of this world.  I mean you can just see this kid is a WINNER!!  Of course...I know I'm being a crazy, bragging mom...but it's fine! 

While I was sitting in the Doctor's office the other day, I overheard some ladies talking about their babies and how they kick/move around in their womb.  They were bragging and saying their children are obviously going to be sports stars.  I was thinking...."WOW!  That sounds like my child!!"  Because... damn.. I catch myself saying the same things.  Then... I realized how ridiculous we all sound.  THEN... I realized.... These mother's have no idea what I'M growing in my womb!!  They do NOT feel what I feel...their child doesn't kick with 100% accuracy.  They can't possibly have amazing ultrasound sessions like I do!  As I sit here and type this, I'm only HALF-joking.  It's a mommy's right to think her children are the absolute BEST little people in the world!  Instead of thinking I'm a crazy, I'm just going to accept that I'm already an amazing mother who thinks her child hung the moon, stars, and everything in between.  I can only imagine how bad I'm going to get when he gets here. 

Back Pain...

Hello Back Pain!

So, I get this low dull back pain that pretty much sucks.  I try to stay away from the internet in looking up back pain and pregnancy, because I always tend to diagnose myself.  That isn't helpful.  It's like an ache... doesn't really get worse... or better... just kind of sticks around.  Some days I have it, and some days I don't. 

I kind of freaked out when people told me about this thing...back labor.  I didn't know what the heck that was.  I talked to my OB about my issues, and he basically said I'm fine.  As long as it doesn't start getting worse or coming in waves (like every 10 minutes), I should be fine.  Apparently, the weight has shifted in my body...well, DUH!  I'm front heavy now...so it puts more pressure on my back.  I KNEW there was a reason I f'n hated boobs!  Now...I have massive boobs and a large tummy... not exactly desirable.  I want to go on a diet soooo bad it kills me! 

My OB also gave me some other great advice.  When I start to freak out about anything, he told me to just remember that women have been having babies for ... well, forever.  Women have been having home births... and some women participate in crazy sh*t even before they know they are pregnant.  He said, "Just think of all the crack babies that end up perfectly fine!!  I mean if you want to guarantee a perfect birth... just do some crack!"  LOL - of course, he was joking!! But he does have a point.  There are sooo many people doing horrible things while pregnant, and those babies usually end up just fine.  He said as long as I don't start drinking heavily ... go join the rodeo and ride some horses... I should be just fine. 

So... back pain (CHECK)... trying to not worry about every little pain (CHECK)...

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Get A Kick Out Of It!


At this point, I can pretty much tell when Stanley is awake, because he will start up a kicking storm.  It doesn't hurt, of course, but he is getting stronger by the day.  He likes to punch my bladder...it must be fun for him.  And... it feels so weird when he moves around behind my belly button.  I'm so scared he is going to kick at my belly button, and it will quickly become flat!  Yes, I still have my belly button!  I assume it will become flat like every other pregnant lady, but I'm hoping it waits until the last minute.  I don't want it to start popping out! 

My lil man is a complete night owl.  He's very active in the early morning and around noon, but he's his most active at night.  Usually... around 10 or 11pm.  His kicks get super strong then.  Throughout the day, I can usually tell he's awake because he will start a little kicking fit... but it's never quite as strong or long as night time.  I guess he takes after his momma!  :) 

Some of my friends who don't have kids yet ask me if the kicks hurt.  NOPE!  Not at all.  They feel weird...because HELLO there is a person growing inside your stomach, but they don't hurt.  Even when he punches my bladder, it doesn't hurt.  In fact, I usually get very sad when he's not moving.  I want to wake him up :)  I love feeling the little man move.  When he kicks, it puts a huge smile on my face...AANNDD, of course, I start talking to him. 

The other night I put my cell phone on my tummy. I don't normally do that, but I just wanted to rest it there for a minute.  He immediately kicked it twice!! He doesn't normally kick that high, but he went right for it!  I swear...he wanted to make a call.  I immediately sent Brian a text (he's in Vegas for a conference) and told him that Stanley wanted to call him ...and ask him to come home!  Brian likes the thought that the baby already misses him :)  He gets a kick out of it!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thank You...


Since I started this little blog, I've had over 3,375 views!  Thank you all for taking time out of your busy day to read about my life as a pregnant lady.  Thus far, soooo many of you have given me great advice and shared amazing stories of your own.  I appreciate each and every one of them. 

To all of the readers in the US, Italy, Netherlands, Indonesia, Thailand, Bahrain, Canada, Germany, Israel, and Malaysia.... I must say... THANK YOU, GRAZIE, DANK U, TERIMA KASIH, KHAWP KHUN, SHUKRAN, MERCI, DANKE, & TODA!!!!!! 

And...with a swift kick to my abdomen, Stanley says, "Thank you" as well! 

Please continue to give this crazy lady advice and share your stories.  We are all in this together!

The Whole Flying Thing...


I started out in life HATING the whole flying thing.  I would tell myself that airplanes were so stupid, and I would NEVER get on one!  However, life happened....and I had to fly somewhere. 

Starting out, I was a HORRIBLE flier.  I was one of those people that would grip the seat the WHOLE time!  If there was turbulence, I would grip harder and pray.  Okay, so I basically prayed throughout the whole flight.  The whole ordeal was BEYOND stressful for me.  I was a bundle of nerves from about 2 weeks prior to the flight...until we landed on the ground.  Why so stressful??  Well, I'm NOT one of those people that think "nothing bad will ever happen to me."  You see...I just ASSUME the bad things WILL happen to me.  I'm just one of those people that think if something could go wrong...it will go wrong for me.  If a plane is going down, it will be MY plane.

Unfortunately, I wasn't just born with this attitude.  It's a creation of growing up...and actually having crazy shit happen to me (that doesn't seem to EVER happen to anyone else).  Example: I was a freshman in high school.  Me and my friends went to a soccer game... I can't exactly remember who I was with, but it doesn't really matter.  Anyway... we were walking by the older hot guys trying to look cute...when all of a sudden IT HAPPENED!  A FUCKING SOCCER BALL CAME FLYING OFF THE FIELD AND INTO THE STANDS.  Out of allllllll the damn people there...it HITS ME RIGHT IN THE HEAD!  Laughter ensues among the entire Harrison soccer fan viewers.  I mean what the fuck?!!?  Out of all the games when balls don't go flying out of the field...out of allllll the spectators... out of allll the assholes in the whole place... IT HAD TO BE ME!  I laughed it off....and walked along with my friends (who all laughed as they pretended to care if I was okay).  OK...I would have laughed too if it had happened to someone else.  I just acted like it was no big deal...but I wanted to CRY!  I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.  THAT, my friends, is the story of my life.  If something crazy can happen, it's going to happen to me.

So, back to the whole flying thing.  Once I moved to Florida, I became a much better flier.  I had to travel a bit with my job, so I had to get used to it.  And...Xanax helped with that ;)  Then, I met Brian and was flying every other weekend.  I actually became a person who loved to fly.  I never thought it would happen...but it did.  HOWEVER, just about a year ago, my worst fear resurfaced.  I jumped a flight to...well...I forget where.  I've been to so many damn places...they all get jumbled at this point.  I remember I was traveling alone, and I'm normally fine with that.  BUT...this flight had more turbulence than I had ever experienced.  I wanted to cry the whole time.  I was certain I was going to die.  Well... obviously... I didn't.  But...after that, I was OVER flying.  Of course, it is impossible to lead my life and not fly....so ... I've been on many planes since then.  All...horrible.  The smallest bit of turbulence scares me.  Ugh...I hate being this loser with such a ridiculous fear.

On to my point!  This past weekend I flew to Boston.  My bestfriend, Leah, was having her bridal shower, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.  ONLY bad part..I had to fly!  Now, if I get stressed, that's one thing....BUT my poor child is feeling the stress now.  I HATE it.  I can't take a Xanax or have a couple hundred cocktails..I have to grin and bear it.  SUCKS.  So, the flight to Boston started off fine.  BUT...after we were in the air for about an hour, the big bad turbulence struck.  Of course, the fucking pilot never once came on the intercom and told us we were just going through rough air... which always helps me when I'm freaking out.  If the pilot is calm, I can usually calm myself down.  Didn't hear from that pilot ONCE! I was starting to wonder who in the hell was flying the damn plane!  Never did hear from that asshole.  So, I start to notice that Stanley is kicking up a storm.  Every time I start to freak out over turbulence, he kicks me!  So...here I am... up in the air... my child is kicking me... I'm trying to calm down for his sake... and a million thoughts were rushing through my head.  My thoughts from the air: (1) I'm going to die without ever seeing my child (2) My sweet boy is going to die because I'm on this damn plane (3) If I make it, he's going to have a nervous condition (4) If we die, my mother will have to be sedated for the rest of her life (5) Brian better not even THINK about marrying someone else later in life...or I will come back to haunt them all (6) Damn... I wish Boston was closer.  (7) I am soooo not ready to die on a damn plane. (8) Ugh...is this going to hurt when we nose dive down into the earth? (9) What if I'm the only survivor?!  Perhaps Barbara Walters will interview me about my trying times.  Maybe I could get a book deal out of it.

So, as these thoughts go racing through my head, I do realize that there is nothing I can do at this point.  BUT...  No, I can't take the thoughts away.  Yes, I wish I could be more positive.  I don't think I will ever change into someone that just doesn't think about the horrible possibilities.  Even though...I totally need to for my child.  I can't have this nervous little boy walking around.   

The flight home wasn't as bad...thanks to a nice muscle relaxer my Neurologist cleared for me.  The only thing to complain about in that flight. The dude sitting next to me was beyond smelly.  He reaked of cigarettes and cheap cologne (wearing so much in an attempt to cover up the ashtray that he was).  His hair was THIN on top...and LONG & CURLY in the back.  AND...he decided to rock the wet look.  Total barf.  He kept trying to talk to me...in his cigarette ruined raspy voice.  Not to mention his snaggle tooth...which he decided needed to be seen....since he smiled at me the whole time.  He was one of those guys that if you slapped him on the back...you are almost positive cigarette smoke would come flying off him.  Yuck. 

So... because of my stressful flying time... I decided as soon as I got pregnant.... to ONLY travel or fly if it was absolutely necessary.  Leah is necessary.  So, I only have two more flights to make it through... the flights to and from Boston for my Best Friend's Wedding!  Brian will be traveling with me for those, so it won't be as stressful.  He tends to laugh when my eyes get all HUGE from turbulence.  Otherwise, I've had to cancel the all the trips I was signed up for ....Vegas, Florida, Texas, etc.  I just can't put my little man through the stress!  

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Belly Button What?!

What the hell is happening to my belly button?!  I mean...I used to have such a cute little belly button.  NOW... it's like a crater on the moon.  It's like a hole in the earth...the grand canyon.  I swear...I can now fit a QUARTER inside this damn thing.  It's like a coin purse for quarters.  Your belly button starts to stretch out around the whole thing.  It's not an outtie yet or anything, but it's not as deep as it once was.  AND.... if you look at it...you can see the whole inside!  EW!  Actually, it's still pretty cute, but I'm just not used to this LARGE ROUND BOWL on my stomach.  Ugh...I could put soup in it and have a snack.  Grossss.  

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What The Hell Did We Talk About?!?!


What the HELL did I talk about before I got pregnant? 

I'm really trying to think about my conversations I had with people prior to pregnancy.  I honestly can't remember any.  I mean... I would ask my friends about their family, kids, jobs, etc.  BUT...when I had hour long conversations, WHAT THE HELL DID WE TALK ABOUT!?!? 

The only reason I'm wondering is...  I don't want to talk about anything but Stanley.  I constantly think about him, and I probably annoy everyone with how much I talk about him.  AND...He's not even here yet.  I went to Baby Gap yesterday... just to buy Maternity clothes.  Yes, they have a FABULOUS Maternity section there.  So, I gathered up my clothes and was walking over to the check-out counter, when I felt horrible for not buying Stanley cup something.  I knew there would be baby clothes in there when I arrived, but I didn't realize how cute they would be!!!  I tried sooooo hard not to buy him his millionth thing, but I just HAD TO!  I mean when will I see a navy blue pea coat for newborns..... or ripped up jeans... or thermal long sleeve shirts... EVER AGAIN?!?!  He HAS to have these things.  I mean he WILL be born in January... it will be freezing.  He needs these things.  So, I ended up buying an obscene amount of stuff.  When I told Brian, he said, "Stanley isn't going to be little forever... he doesn't need every shirt in the store."  I had to remind him that I don't just buy newborn stuff...I buy up to one year too!  I mean there are 365 days in a year.... he will need a different outfit each day....right?!  Ugh... men don't get it. 

Ok...so back to my point.  This child is constantly on my mind.  I never buy anything for myself anymore...unless it's maternity clothes which I just had to break down and buy some because I'm starting to look like a homeless.  Besides that... I can't stop thinking about him.  I even talked about him to the check-out lady at Gap.  I talked her ear off....she probably never wants to hear the name Stanley again. 

They way I see it... he deserves these things.  He kicked alllllll day yesterday.  When he kicks, I know he wants me to know he's doing okay.  So, I HAVE to reward this behavior....with a toy... or clothes.. or ya know... something for him.  PLEASE tell me I'm not the only mother like this!  There has to be more obsessed ladies...right!??!

21 Week Update.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant...so let me give everyone an update.

So far ... the second trimester is easier than the first.  I have much more energy!!  I really feel like I could run a marathon... but I won't.  I am still terrified to run.  I have some weird vision of me running and my child bouncing around hitting his little head on my insides.  So... there will be no running.  I do cardio everyday.. well.. I try to at least :)

Now... the weight issue.  Moments ago I stepped out of the shower, and I was SURPRISED to see a whale in my bathroom!! Oh...no... wait.. THAT WAS JUST ME!  A fat, white whale!  Now, some of you might think I'm being ridiculous, but you didn't see the horror in my bathroom!!  From the front, it's very noticeable that I've gained weight.  BUT... my abs still look like they are desperately trying to hold on to form.  For a second, I totally think I'm not as huge as I thought.  THEN, I turn to the side.  HOLY FAT FROG, Batman!  I mean ... what the hell?!?!  There are rolls I've never seen in my life.  It's like...the fatter I get the shorter I look!!! I am turning into a chunkball.  It's sooo embarrassing to go out of the house.  I have to search for hours to find something...ANYTHING that will make me look someone thin... and no such luck.  I have to cake on makeup.... shading areas of my face in hopes some idiot will think it's not makeup but my old chiseled face.  I'm pretty sure I look like a clown.

Some women only gain weight in their stomach... bitches!  Some women will gain a couple other places (ex: thighs and ass)... BITCHES!  I, being the lucky lady that I am, GAIN EVERYWHERE!  That fuckin Eve... why the hell did she have to eat that fuckin apple!?!?!  She ruined it for all of us... bitch.  So, all I can do it try to put as much self tanner on... do my clown makeup... and wear black.  UGH... the torture of being a chunk.

Now, what gets me through the day.... are these people who didn't see the waif Sam.  I'm beginning to think these folks are thinking I started out chunky.  Ex: I went to the Neurologist the other day, and I was talking to the front nurse about my pregnancy.  She said, "How far long are you?"  I told her 20 weeks.  She said, "Oh my... are you serious??  You look great!  I really couldn't even tell you were pregnant."  Then, she called two other nurses over and asked them how far along they thought I was.  They thought I had just found out I was pregnant.  When I told them I was due in January, one nurse said, "Honey, are you serious?  I mean are you sure?  You are tiny!"  Well...that about made my month.  I get it all the time from sales clerks when I buying his clothes too.  I just don't understand it.  PEOPLE... I AM HUGE!!  I'm starting to think these people are just being nice since I look at hot damn mess....or maybe there is a serious need for glasses in the state of Tennessee.

Moving on... I feel the baby kick all the time.  They are the best moments.  Every single kick is precious.  BUT... what the hell are the vibrations?  I noticed them today.  I swear the kid is having a seizure in here... or he's going to be a super hero... CAPTAIN VIBRATE!  What is it?!!  I, against my better judgment, googled these vibrations.  Some said it was him having a muscle spasm, some said it was him kicking my cervix, and some said it was baby hiccups.  So... I have no idea why he vibrates, but I'm thinking it's okay since I still feel big movements from him.  As long as he's moving, I'm sane.   

I've already started reading to him...AND... I made Brian read him a book too.  Although, when he reads to Stanley, I just end up laughing the whole time.  Hopefully, my lil Stanley cakes won't laugh at Daddy every time he tries to read a book.  :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

Some "Mother's"....


Ok, I don't get some "mothers" out there.

I know a ton of mom's, and I tend to believe they are all A+ mother's.  However, I have to complain about some "mom's" I see out there in this world.  Now, I don't have any friends that are offenders of the following....but I HAVE to complain about some non-motherly behaviors.

(1) If you take your child to the zoo, PLEASE pay attention to your child.  Example: I went to the zoo a few weeks ago.  I saw a mother and her child (child in stroller) just strolling around with another lady (I assume this woman was mom's friend).  The two ladies were having a GREAT time... talking about men... talking about their jobs... sipping on coffee.  Fine....whatever.  Now, the mom parks the child's stroller in front of the Polar Bear window. Now, most mom's would bend down and tell their child something like..."Suzy, this is a Polar Bear!  Isn't it pretty?!"  Or ya know...some crap about the damn bear.  THIS mom decided to park her child in front of the window and continue her oh-so-serious conversation with her coffee drinking friend.  I didn't get it.  Her child was looking around at the people..and her feet... and just about EVERYTHING but the Polar Bear. I thought WHAT THE F*CK IS THE POINT OF BRINGING YOUR CHILD TO THE ZOO IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO TEACH THEM WHAT THESE ANIMALS ARE?!?!  I continued to see these women around the zoo pretty much the whole day....NOT ONCE did they interact with the child.  It was pretty pathetic.  I don't get some "mother's."

(2) For every party mom out there...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!  I get that you can't just forget your social life when you are a mom....actually... yes, you can.  If you are single, I totally understand you want to go on dates... go to parties... dress up .. and whatever.  BUT EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND??  Umm... you are a MOM!  I don't care if you become a mom at 16 or 40... you have to be a F*CKIN MOM first! It makes me ILL when I see "mom's" post pictures on FB every single weekend of the party or function they were just attending.  You know the types...the ones that RARELY post pictures of themselves doing ANYTHING with their child.  Some women... you'd never even know they had a child/children.  It's GROSS!  STOP leaving your kids with their grandparents or a sitter every damn weekend.  It's not cool to go out and get wasted every damn weekend when you have a child at home wanting to be with you.  AND... I am sooo not attacking mom's that go out.  I get it...  you can't take your child everywhere.  I completely understand.  AND...sometimes you need a break.  I get it.  I'm talking about the ones that forget they even have a child.  Shame on those types of "mother's."  I don't get you.... and I wouldn't want to.

(3) What the hell is with the mother's that will verbally or physically abuse their children?!?!  I mean... what the HELL is wrong with these people?  You've all seen it.  You see a mom with her child/children at your local supermarket.  The kid is upset about something (I'm sure he didn't get the cereal he wanted)...and the mom goes CRAZY on the kid.  She will pull his little arm out of socket because he just isn't walking fast enough.  Or... she will cuss at them... or smack them.  These women... are AWFUL.  If they do this shit in public, I can't even imagine what that child goes through when they are at home.  There are ways to discipline your child without hurting them.  It makes me sick.  These ladies shouldn't be allowed to have children.

So... I just don't get it.  Why anyone wouldn't pay attention to their child... spend time with them... or why some women feel compelled to abuse their child.... I DON'T GET IT.  It's one thing to have a child..it's another to be a mother.     

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I Was Born To Be A Mom!

Everyone is born to do something different.  I believe everyone has some sort of value or purpose... no matter what it is they were born to do.  Some folks are born to be the best cashiers, the best tv repair men, the best basketball players, the best CEO's, the biggest criminals, the hottest models, the biggest assholes, the most needed hero's, and the best parents.  No matter what it is.... you were born to do it.  AND... you serve a purpose.  Even if you are the thorn in someone's side, you were born to be the person that drives another to greatness.  The fuel that adds to the fire.  Not everyone can be in the same category ... but we must always accept what we were born to do.

Not everyone realizes right away what it is they were born to do.  Some folks get lost along the way... I think everyone's had that problem from time to time.  Some folks can't even imagine they were born to do anything... ya know the types... they feel worthless.  They either figure it out along the road of life... or they waft through life never knowing what it is they were born to do.  Those individuals are extremely sad cases.  Now, I honestly believe you're born to be several things, but there will always be one super value you hold.   AND... one role you were always born to have.

I have played many roles in my life thus far.  Some I wasn't that great at... some I was decent at... and some I was pretty certain that I was the best at.  But..I've always known I was born to be a mom.  It's a role that has waited for me for 29 years.  From the moment I found out that little Stanley had been conceived, I became a mother.  I've been taking care of him every single moment since then.... and... I will continue to take care of him for the rest of my life. 

For every parent out there and for the someday-parents-to-be: Most of you know what I'm talking about.  It's like you've always known your biggest achievement in life would be your babies.  It is a role that has been waiting for you since the day you were born.  You knew it...and you felt it.  For those parents who don't exactly know what I'm talking about, it's okay.... the role was always yours.  You just had too much going on to see it...perhaps you were off being the best at another role, and it completely slipped through your radar! :)

So, for those who share this amazing role with me, I know I'm in good company.  I wish you all GOOD LUCK (nobody ever said it would be easy).  For those who don't share this role with me but you know you someday will, just wait a little longer... roles can and will wait.  For those who will never share this role with me, I salute you... you are off being the best at your role.  And...there ain't nothing wrong with that! 

 

The Best Part Of My Day...


I've been feeling the baby flutters for awhile now.  What are baby flutters?  It's when my baby boy kicks, moves around, or squirms! :)  They aren't the super powerful kicks yet that I'm sure I will be feeling soon, but they are just as special.

The first time I felt Stanley move:  It was a couple of weeks ago.  I had been laying in bed for the majority of the evening.  It was one of those 'exhausted for no apparent reason' kind of days.  I was sitting up in bed... just watching TV.  Brian got home from work, and he walked into the bedroom.  Every day he comes home, I'm greeted with a "Hi, Honey!"...a hug... and a kiss.  This day was no different.  However, as soon as he entered the bedroom and started talking, my tummy started to flutter.  It felt like a super huge popcorn kernel had just popped in my tummy!  Every time he got near me and spoke, the popping got bigger.  I couldn't believe it.  I knew immediately it was Stanley... greeting his daddy!

I've felt many flutters since then, but they have gotten much stronger.  This weekend my parents and brother came for a visit.  I was super excited to have the fam here and apparently Stanley cup was excited too!  As soon as he heard all the voices, he was up and movin!  We went to the zoo one morning....which if you haven't been to the Memphis Zoo..umm go!  It's the best zoo ever!  We were looking at the animals along with many other families.  A child started screaming near me, and Stanley started moving!  I think he was startled... he hasn't heard shrieks from anyone before.  I was a little pissed some crazy child woke mine up and scared him to death., but at the same time I thought it was cute.  The way I see it... a moving baby... is a healthy baby!  My family decided to play Trivial Pursuit one night, and we tend to get a little loud.  When my brother laughed insanely loud, Stanley jumped!  I was like, "omigod....you scared him!"  He was up and on full alert.

It's just so sweet when he moves around.  It feels really weird, but I love it.  I love when he's awake and moving and stretching.  He is getting super active.  I am starting to feel him A LOT!  It doesn't matter what kind of day I'm having... when he moves, it makes my day perfect.  It's the absolute best part of my day.. every...single... day!