Ummm....I Already Look Like A Fat Frog!!

So...... I look like a chunk-ball!  OR...at least that's how I feel.  The most awesome thing about being pregnant is constipation!! Yep, that's right...I will totally talk about that.  It's like the moment you find out you're pregnant...you stop going number 2.  AND...not only that...but your stomach begins to BLOAT!!  WTF?!  I have already read two books on pregnancy, so I feel like a complete expert.  ;)  Those books say you don't really start showing in the first weeks.  You start showing within the 3rd or 4th month ...that's more like it.  So...I'm wondering if I'm having TWINS!!  Ugh...I mean they say that if a woman is small or thinner than normal that she will more than likely start showing early.  BUT WTF?!  My whole body feels like I've been severely beaten.  It's CRAZY! I am starting to think I'm going to grow into a whale.  Seriously....feel like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause.  Grrr.....