Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thank You...

Since I started this little blog, I've had over 3,375 views!  Thank you all for taking time out of your busy day to read about my life as a pregnant lady.  Thus far, soooo many of you have given me great advice and shared amazing stories of your own.  I appreciate each and every one of them. 

To all of the readers in the US, Italy, Netherlands, Indonesia, Thailand, Bahrain, Canada, Germany, Israel, and Malaysia.... I must say... THANK YOU, GRAZIE, DANK U, TERIMA KASIH, KHAWP KHUN, SHUKRAN, MERCI, DANKE, & TODA!!!!!! 

And...with a swift kick to my abdomen, Stanley says, "Thank you" as well! 

Please continue to give this crazy lady advice and share your stories.  We are all in this together!

The Whole Flying Thing...

I started out in life HATING the whole flying thing.  I would tell myself that airplanes were so stupid, and I would NEVER get on one!  However, life happened....and I had to fly somewhere. 

Starting out, I was a HORRIBLE flier.  I was one of those people that would grip the seat the WHOLE time!  If there was turbulence, I would grip harder and pray.  Okay, so I basically prayed throughout the whole flight.  The whole ordeal was BEYOND stressful for me.  I was a bundle of nerves from about 2 weeks prior to the flight...until we landed on the ground.  Why so stressful??  Well, I'm NOT one of those people that think "nothing bad will ever happen to me."  You see...I just ASSUME the bad things WILL happen to me.  I'm just one of those people that think if something could go will go wrong for me.  If a plane is going down, it will be MY plane.

Unfortunately, I wasn't just born with this attitude.  It's a creation of growing up...and actually having crazy shit happen to me (that doesn't seem to EVER happen to anyone else).  Example: I was a freshman in high school.  Me and my friends went to a soccer game... I can't exactly remember who I was with, but it doesn't really matter.  Anyway... we were walking by the older hot guys trying to look cute...when all of a sudden IT HAPPENED!  A FUCKING SOCCER BALL CAME FLYING OFF THE FIELD AND INTO THE STANDS.  Out of allllllll the damn people HITS ME RIGHT IN THE HEAD!  Laughter ensues among the entire Harrison soccer fan viewers.  I mean what the fuck?!!?  Out of all the games when balls don't go flying out of the field...out of allllll the spectators... out of allll the assholes in the whole place... IT HAD TO BE ME!  I laughed it off....and walked along with my friends (who all laughed as they pretended to care if I was okay).  OK...I would have laughed too if it had happened to someone else.  I just acted like it was no big deal...but I wanted to CRY!  I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.  THAT, my friends, is the story of my life.  If something crazy can happen, it's going to happen to me.

So, back to the whole flying thing.  Once I moved to Florida, I became a much better flier.  I had to travel a bit with my job, so I had to get used to it.  And...Xanax helped with that ;)  Then, I met Brian and was flying every other weekend.  I actually became a person who loved to fly.  I never thought it would happen...but it did.  HOWEVER, just about a year ago, my worst fear resurfaced.  I jumped a flight to...well...I forget where.  I've been to so many damn places...they all get jumbled at this point.  I remember I was traveling alone, and I'm normally fine with that.  BUT...this flight had more turbulence than I had ever experienced.  I wanted to cry the whole time.  I was certain I was going to die.  Well... obviously... I didn't.  But...after that, I was OVER flying.  Of course, it is impossible to lead my life and not ... I've been on many planes since then.  All...horrible.  The smallest bit of turbulence scares me.  Ugh...I hate being this loser with such a ridiculous fear.

On to my point!  This past weekend I flew to Boston.  My bestfriend, Leah, was having her bridal shower, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.  ONLY bad part..I had to fly!  Now, if I get stressed, that's one thing....BUT my poor child is feeling the stress now.  I HATE it.  I can't take a Xanax or have a couple hundred cocktails..I have to grin and bear it.  SUCKS.  So, the flight to Boston started off fine.  BUT...after we were in the air for about an hour, the big bad turbulence struck.  Of course, the fucking pilot never once came on the intercom and told us we were just going through rough air... which always helps me when I'm freaking out.  If the pilot is calm, I can usually calm myself down.  Didn't hear from that pilot ONCE! I was starting to wonder who in the hell was flying the damn plane!  Never did hear from that asshole.  So, I start to notice that Stanley is kicking up a storm.  Every time I start to freak out over turbulence, he kicks me! I am... up in the air... my child is kicking me... I'm trying to calm down for his sake... and a million thoughts were rushing through my head.  My thoughts from the air: (1) I'm going to die without ever seeing my child (2) My sweet boy is going to die because I'm on this damn plane (3) If I make it, he's going to have a nervous condition (4) If we die, my mother will have to be sedated for the rest of her life (5) Brian better not even THINK about marrying someone else later in life...or I will come back to haunt them all (6) Damn... I wish Boston was closer.  (7) I am soooo not ready to die on a damn plane. (8) this going to hurt when we nose dive down into the earth? (9) What if I'm the only survivor?!  Perhaps Barbara Walters will interview me about my trying times.  Maybe I could get a book deal out of it.

So, as these thoughts go racing through my head, I do realize that there is nothing I can do at this point.  BUT...  No, I can't take the thoughts away.  Yes, I wish I could be more positive.  I don't think I will ever change into someone that just doesn't think about the horrible possibilities.  Even though...I totally need to for my child.  I can't have this nervous little boy walking around.   

The flight home wasn't as bad...thanks to a nice muscle relaxer my Neurologist cleared for me.  The only thing to complain about in that flight. The dude sitting next to me was beyond smelly.  He reaked of cigarettes and cheap cologne (wearing so much in an attempt to cover up the ashtray that he was).  His hair was THIN on top...and LONG & CURLY in the back.  AND...he decided to rock the wet look.  Total barf.  He kept trying to talk to his cigarette ruined raspy voice.  Not to mention his snaggle tooth...which he decided needed to be seen....since he smiled at me the whole time.  He was one of those guys that if you slapped him on the are almost positive cigarette smoke would come flying off him.  Yuck. 

So... because of my stressful flying time... I decided as soon as I got pregnant.... to ONLY travel or fly if it was absolutely necessary.  Leah is necessary.  So, I only have two more flights to make it through... the flights to and from Boston for my Best Friend's Wedding!  Brian will be traveling with me for those, so it won't be as stressful.  He tends to laugh when my eyes get all HUGE from turbulence.  Otherwise, I've had to cancel the all the trips I was signed up for ....Vegas, Florida, Texas, etc.  I just can't put my little man through the stress!  

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Belly Button What?!

What the hell is happening to my belly button?!  I mean...I used to have such a cute little belly button.  NOW... it's like a crater on the moon.  It's like a hole in the earth...the grand canyon.  I swear...I can now fit a QUARTER inside this damn thing.  It's like a coin purse for quarters.  Your belly button starts to stretch out around the whole thing.  It's not an outtie yet or anything, but it's not as deep as it once was.  AND.... if you look at can see the whole inside!  EW!  Actually, it's still pretty cute, but I'm just not used to this LARGE ROUND BOWL on my stomach.  Ugh...I could put soup in it and have a snack.  Grossss.  

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What The Hell Did We Talk About?!?!

What the HELL did I talk about before I got pregnant? 

I'm really trying to think about my conversations I had with people prior to pregnancy.  I honestly can't remember any.  I mean... I would ask my friends about their family, kids, jobs, etc.  BUT...when I had hour long conversations, WHAT THE HELL DID WE TALK ABOUT!?!? 

The only reason I'm wondering is...  I don't want to talk about anything but Stanley.  I constantly think about him, and I probably annoy everyone with how much I talk about him.  AND...He's not even here yet.  I went to Baby Gap yesterday... just to buy Maternity clothes.  Yes, they have a FABULOUS Maternity section there.  So, I gathered up my clothes and was walking over to the check-out counter, when I felt horrible for not buying Stanley cup something.  I knew there would be baby clothes in there when I arrived, but I didn't realize how cute they would be!!!  I tried sooooo hard not to buy him his millionth thing, but I just HAD TO!  I mean when will I see a navy blue pea coat for newborns..... or ripped up jeans... or thermal long sleeve shirts... EVER AGAIN?!?!  He HAS to have these things.  I mean he WILL be born in January... it will be freezing.  He needs these things.  So, I ended up buying an obscene amount of stuff.  When I told Brian, he said, "Stanley isn't going to be little forever... he doesn't need every shirt in the store."  I had to remind him that I don't just buy newborn stuff...I buy up to one year too!  I mean there are 365 days in a year.... he will need a different outfit each day....right?!  Ugh... men don't get it. back to my point.  This child is constantly on my mind.  I never buy anything for myself anymore...unless it's maternity clothes which I just had to break down and buy some because I'm starting to look like a homeless.  Besides that... I can't stop thinking about him.  I even talked about him to the check-out lady at Gap.  I talked her ear off....she probably never wants to hear the name Stanley again. 

They way I see it... he deserves these things.  He kicked alllllll day yesterday.  When he kicks, I know he wants me to know he's doing okay.  So, I HAVE to reward this behavior....with a toy... or clothes.. or ya know... something for him.  PLEASE tell me I'm not the only mother like this!  There has to be more obsessed ladies...right!??!

21 Week Update.

I'm 21 weeks let me give everyone an update.

So far ... the second trimester is easier than the first.  I have much more energy!!  I really feel like I could run a marathon... but I won't.  I am still terrified to run.  I have some weird vision of me running and my child bouncing around hitting his little head on my insides.  So... there will be no running.  I do cardio everyday.. well.. I try to at least :)

Now... the weight issue.  Moments ago I stepped out of the shower, and I was SURPRISED to see a whale in my bathroom!! wait.. THAT WAS JUST ME!  A fat, white whale!  Now, some of you might think I'm being ridiculous, but you didn't see the horror in my bathroom!!  From the front, it's very noticeable that I've gained weight.  BUT... my abs still look like they are desperately trying to hold on to form.  For a second, I totally think I'm not as huge as I thought.  THEN, I turn to the side.  HOLY FAT FROG, Batman!  I mean ... what the hell?!?!  There are rolls I've never seen in my life.  It's like...the fatter I get the shorter I look!!! I am turning into a chunkball.  It's sooo embarrassing to go out of the house.  I have to search for hours to find something...ANYTHING that will make me look someone thin... and no such luck.  I have to cake on makeup.... shading areas of my face in hopes some idiot will think it's not makeup but my old chiseled face.  I'm pretty sure I look like a clown.

Some women only gain weight in their stomach... bitches!  Some women will gain a couple other places (ex: thighs and ass)... BITCHES!  I, being the lucky lady that I am, GAIN EVERYWHERE!  That fuckin Eve... why the hell did she have to eat that fuckin apple!?!?!  She ruined it for all of us... bitch.  So, all I can do it try to put as much self tanner on... do my clown makeup... and wear black.  UGH... the torture of being a chunk.

Now, what gets me through the day.... are these people who didn't see the waif Sam.  I'm beginning to think these folks are thinking I started out chunky.  Ex: I went to the Neurologist the other day, and I was talking to the front nurse about my pregnancy.  She said, "How far long are you?"  I told her 20 weeks.  She said, "Oh my... are you serious??  You look great!  I really couldn't even tell you were pregnant."  Then, she called two other nurses over and asked them how far along they thought I was.  They thought I had just found out I was pregnant.  When I told them I was due in January, one nurse said, "Honey, are you serious?  I mean are you sure?  You are tiny!"  Well...that about made my month.  I get it all the time from sales clerks when I buying his clothes too.  I just don't understand it.  PEOPLE... I AM HUGE!!  I'm starting to think these people are just being nice since I look at hot damn mess....or maybe there is a serious need for glasses in the state of Tennessee.

Moving on... I feel the baby kick all the time.  They are the best moments.  Every single kick is precious.  BUT... what the hell are the vibrations?  I noticed them today.  I swear the kid is having a seizure in here... or he's going to be a super hero... CAPTAIN VIBRATE!  What is it?!!  I, against my better judgment, googled these vibrations.  Some said it was him having a muscle spasm, some said it was him kicking my cervix, and some said it was baby hiccups.  So... I have no idea why he vibrates, but I'm thinking it's okay since I still feel big movements from him.  As long as he's moving, I'm sane.   

I've already started reading to him...AND... I made Brian read him a book too.  Although, when he reads to Stanley, I just end up laughing the whole time.  Hopefully, my lil Stanley cakes won't laugh at Daddy every time he tries to read a book.  :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

Some "Mother's"....

Ok, I don't get some "mothers" out there.

I know a ton of mom's, and I tend to believe they are all A+ mother's.  However, I have to complain about some "mom's" I see out there in this world.  Now, I don't have any friends that are offenders of the following....but I HAVE to complain about some non-motherly behaviors.

(1) If you take your child to the zoo, PLEASE pay attention to your child.  Example: I went to the zoo a few weeks ago.  I saw a mother and her child (child in stroller) just strolling around with another lady (I assume this woman was mom's friend).  The two ladies were having a GREAT time... talking about men... talking about their jobs... sipping on coffee.  Fine....whatever.  Now, the mom parks the child's stroller in front of the Polar Bear window. Now, most mom's would bend down and tell their child something like..."Suzy, this is a Polar Bear!  Isn't it pretty?!"  Or ya know...some crap about the damn bear.  THIS mom decided to park her child in front of the window and continue her oh-so-serious conversation with her coffee drinking friend.  I didn't get it.  Her child was looking around at the people..and her feet... and just about EVERYTHING but the Polar Bear. I thought WHAT THE F*CK IS THE POINT OF BRINGING YOUR CHILD TO THE ZOO IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO TEACH THEM WHAT THESE ANIMALS ARE?!?!  I continued to see these women around the zoo pretty much the whole day....NOT ONCE did they interact with the child.  It was pretty pathetic.  I don't get some "mother's."

(2) For every party mom out there...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!  I get that you can't just forget your social life when you are a mom....actually... yes, you can.  If you are single, I totally understand you want to go on dates... go to parties... dress up .. and whatever.  BUT EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND??  Umm... you are a MOM!  I don't care if you become a mom at 16 or 40... you have to be a F*CKIN MOM first! It makes me ILL when I see "mom's" post pictures on FB every single weekend of the party or function they were just attending.  You know the types...the ones that RARELY post pictures of themselves doing ANYTHING with their child.  Some women... you'd never even know they had a child/children.  It's GROSS!  STOP leaving your kids with their grandparents or a sitter every damn weekend.  It's not cool to go out and get wasted every damn weekend when you have a child at home wanting to be with you.  AND... I am sooo not attacking mom's that go out.  I get it...  you can't take your child everywhere.  I completely understand.  AND...sometimes you need a break.  I get it.  I'm talking about the ones that forget they even have a child.  Shame on those types of "mother's."  I don't get you.... and I wouldn't want to.

(3) What the hell is with the mother's that will verbally or physically abuse their children?!?!  I mean... what the HELL is wrong with these people?  You've all seen it.  You see a mom with her child/children at your local supermarket.  The kid is upset about something (I'm sure he didn't get the cereal he wanted)...and the mom goes CRAZY on the kid.  She will pull his little arm out of socket because he just isn't walking fast enough.  Or... she will cuss at them... or smack them.  These women... are AWFUL.  If they do this shit in public, I can't even imagine what that child goes through when they are at home.  There are ways to discipline your child without hurting them.  It makes me sick.  These ladies shouldn't be allowed to have children.

So... I just don't get it.  Why anyone wouldn't pay attention to their child... spend time with them... or why some women feel compelled to abuse their child.... I DON'T GET IT.  It's one thing to have a's another to be a mother.     

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I Was Born To Be A Mom!

Everyone is born to do something different.  I believe everyone has some sort of value or purpose... no matter what it is they were born to do.  Some folks are born to be the best cashiers, the best tv repair men, the best basketball players, the best CEO's, the biggest criminals, the hottest models, the biggest assholes, the most needed hero's, and the best parents.  No matter what it is.... you were born to do it.  AND... you serve a purpose.  Even if you are the thorn in someone's side, you were born to be the person that drives another to greatness.  The fuel that adds to the fire.  Not everyone can be in the same category ... but we must always accept what we were born to do.

Not everyone realizes right away what it is they were born to do.  Some folks get lost along the way... I think everyone's had that problem from time to time.  Some folks can't even imagine they were born to do anything... ya know the types... they feel worthless.  They either figure it out along the road of life... or they waft through life never knowing what it is they were born to do.  Those individuals are extremely sad cases.  Now, I honestly believe you're born to be several things, but there will always be one super value you hold.   AND... one role you were always born to have.

I have played many roles in my life thus far.  Some I wasn't that great at... some I was decent at... and some I was pretty certain that I was the best at.  But..I've always known I was born to be a mom.  It's a role that has waited for me for 29 years.  From the moment I found out that little Stanley had been conceived, I became a mother.  I've been taking care of him every single moment since then.... and... I will continue to take care of him for the rest of my life. 

For every parent out there and for the someday-parents-to-be: Most of you know what I'm talking about.  It's like you've always known your biggest achievement in life would be your babies.  It is a role that has been waiting for you since the day you were born.  You knew it...and you felt it.  For those parents who don't exactly know what I'm talking about, it's okay.... the role was always yours.  You just had too much going on to see it...perhaps you were off being the best at another role, and it completely slipped through your radar! :)

So, for those who share this amazing role with me, I know I'm in good company.  I wish you all GOOD LUCK (nobody ever said it would be easy).  For those who don't share this role with me but you know you someday will, just wait a little longer... roles can and will wait.  For those who will never share this role with me, I salute you... you are off being the best at your role.  And...there ain't nothing wrong with that! 


The Best Part Of My Day...

I've been feeling the baby flutters for awhile now.  What are baby flutters?  It's when my baby boy kicks, moves around, or squirms! :)  They aren't the super powerful kicks yet that I'm sure I will be feeling soon, but they are just as special.

The first time I felt Stanley move:  It was a couple of weeks ago.  I had been laying in bed for the majority of the evening.  It was one of those 'exhausted for no apparent reason' kind of days.  I was sitting up in bed... just watching TV.  Brian got home from work, and he walked into the bedroom.  Every day he comes home, I'm greeted with a "Hi, Honey!"...a hug... and a kiss.  This day was no different.  However, as soon as he entered the bedroom and started talking, my tummy started to flutter.  It felt like a super huge popcorn kernel had just popped in my tummy!  Every time he got near me and spoke, the popping got bigger.  I couldn't believe it.  I knew immediately it was Stanley... greeting his daddy!

I've felt many flutters since then, but they have gotten much stronger.  This weekend my parents and brother came for a visit.  I was super excited to have the fam here and apparently Stanley cup was excited too!  As soon as he heard all the voices, he was up and movin!  We went to the zoo one morning....which if you haven't been to the Memphis Zoo..umm go!  It's the best zoo ever!  We were looking at the animals along with many other families.  A child started screaming near me, and Stanley started moving!  I think he was startled... he hasn't heard shrieks from anyone before.  I was a little pissed some crazy child woke mine up and scared him to death., but at the same time I thought it was cute.  The way I see it... a moving baby... is a healthy baby!  My family decided to play Trivial Pursuit one night, and we tend to get a little loud.  When my brother laughed insanely loud, Stanley jumped!  I was like, " scared him!"  He was up and on full alert.

It's just so sweet when he moves around.  It feels really weird, but I love it.  I love when he's awake and moving and stretching.  He is getting super active.  I am starting to feel him A LOT!  It doesn't matter what kind of day I'm having... when he moves, it makes my day perfect.  It's the absolute best part of my day.. every...single... day!