Saturday, October 29, 2011

My Brush With Death...

I almost had a brush with death today!!  Okay, maybe not death...but serious injury!! 

I finally got over my 6 day migraine, so I was feeling sooo great!  I wanted to get out of the house and at least run some errands....aanndd  shop for Stanley.  Shopping for Stanley makes everything much MUCH better in life.  Okay, so I bought him some cute stuff at Baby Gap... and decided to head to the grocery store to get a few items (milk, bread, etc). 

SO...  I park my car and start walking into the grocery store.  I get up to the crosswalk into the grocery, and the car to my left stopped for me.  I did have the right of way...since I'm a pregnant pedestrian and all!  So, the car to my right is still rolling along, but the guy was driving slowly.  I sometimes drive slowly when someone is crossing the street too.... no reason to stop when you are somewhat far away.  HOWEVER, I always stop when I get near someone.  OK... so I pass the car on my left... no issue.  I notice the car traveling on my right is STILL ROLLING!  I assume this idiot is going to stop for me...since everyone else had noticed the fat pregnant woman waddling along.  I look over to my right...and DUDE ISN'T GOING TO STOP!  I tried to hurry as fast as I could across the street, which at this point isn't that damn fast.  AND the old F*CKBAG was within an inch (or less) of hitting my right leg!  I screamed, "Are you gonna f*cking see me or what?!?!"  Clearly.... he didn't even see me!!!  I quickly turned around in disbelief.  I couldn't believe that guy didn't see me.  WELL....this guy had to be 90 years old....with a handicapped tag hanging from his rear-view mirror.  This idiot shouldn't be driving.

Three boy-scouts were outside of the grocery and three of their fathers.  They were selling something...I was too frazzled to notice.  The men came running over... they couldn't believe that old man didn't see me.  One guy said, "Even after you yelled, I swear he never saw you."  They were all stunned that this old fart just NEVER saw me...even though it appeared he was looking right at me.  It's like he looked right through me.  As all the folks stood there in shock outside the grocery, I'm pretty sure we all thought the same thing.  SOMEONE upstairs HAD to be looking out for me and Stanley cakes.  Had he hit me....OMG... lord would have to have mercy on his soul.  Honestly, if he would have hit me, he probably wouldn't have even realized it....or his dumbass would have pushed on the gas in his confused state.  It could have been a very bad accident.  AND...if something would have happened to my sweet baby boy, that old man would be living his last hours....cause I already know myself or someone in my family would have shot him.  (AND...I don't mean shot in the head.  I mean shot in the legs and allowed him to bleed out in pain). 

So... after all that, I continued that task at shopping.  I was completely still in shock at what had just happened.  I called my mom immediately to tell her my brush with the old f*ckbag.  As I was shopping and complaining about the old piece of dirt, I see an old man on a RASCAL (ya know...the riding shopping carts for the elderly and disabled).  It was the guy that almost killed me!!!  AND....he took his rascal and ran right into a fully stacked shelf.  He ran into the shelf so hard... food fell off.  I couldn't believe my eyes....WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THIS OLD PIECE OF DIRT?!?!

As I left the grocery, one of the boy-scout dads walked me across the street....STILL in disbelief of what he saw.  I told him, "That man should not be driving!  He is gonna kill someone."  I loaded my car up and left.  I see the old fart get into his car and start driving VERY SLOWLY away.  I pulled behind him and got his license plate number...I contemplated calling 911. was my mental struggle... is this an emergency??  I mean he ALMOST hit me, but he didn't actually hit me.  My whole thing was.... this man could possible kill someone.  What if a child had been walking across the street??  Or an elderly woman?  They wouldn't have been as lucky as I was.  I still didn't know if I should call the police.  Lord knows this man should NOT be driving.  I was praying a cop was in the I could stop and tell him to follow him (just so he could see this old man's driving skills).  I wasn't about to follow this old man very he swerved all over the road.  It simply wasn't safe for me or my child to drive near him.  So, I stepped on the gas and my Jag got me the hell out of there.  I do regret not calling the authorities now.  I'm so afraid this guy is going to kill someone.  I still don't know what I could or should have done.  I've been struggling with it for hours....

Monday, October 24, 2011

Irrational Occasionally!

So, last week I posted a rant on facebook about how I was sooo ready to move from TN already.  A lot of people contacted me wanting to know why?!!?  They wanted to know WHAT HAPPENED?!?  Okay, I thought I would let non-mother's into the wonderful world of pregnancy. 

I got up Wednesday morning thinking I would take the trash out...ya know, because Thursday is "trash day."  I didn't feel like doing it first thing in the morning...and besides... I had all day to do it.  SO... around noon... I see the TRASH MEN picking up the neighbors trash!!! I sent Brian a text wanting to know what was going on!!!  (Side note: Brian was out of California for work).  He sent me text back saying "trash day" is Wednesday.  CRAP!!  I totally got the wrong day.  I had a serious meltdown.  Brian told me I shouldn't take out the trash, because he didn't want me carrying or pulling a heavy trashcan.  I see his point, but damn....I'm not that fragile.  (I tend to think I can do more than pregnant women are supposed to be doing).  ANYWAY...
I basically wanted to move because THE TRASH MEN CAME ON THE CORRECT DAY.  THAT is what hormones do to pregnant women.  At the time, I thought it was a completely rational reason to move immediately.  Now, I think it's silly, but whatever... I had a moment. 

So...when you see me raging over something on facebook, just calm down.  I'm a crazy person most days.  I will have a second home in Florida, but I swear I'm not permanently moving there.  I do think I will have one more major move within the next couple of years, but it won't be because the trash men came on the correct day.  :) My husband is beyond successful, so a move would be due to his occupation.  Lesson is: Sam is hormonal and irrational occasionally... don't take my rants too seriously!   


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

DREAM a little DREAM!

Pregnancy dreams can be a little outrageous.  They are vivid and usually stressful for me.  HOWEVER, last night I had the BEST dream ever!

I don't normally go into my dreams, because I think it's such a waste of time.  BUT... this was my first fun pregnancy dream.  I got to see my son!!!  His face was soooo cute... his little features and bald head.  I mean...I was in heaven.  He made these cute little faces, and he wiggled around (just like he does in my tummy). 

For the majority of the dream, I was trying to breastfeed...which I pretty much failed at.  He either couldn't latch on right...or I didn't know exactly how to hold him.  He eventually got milk, but ya was a maneuvering project.  I just remember the dream took place over a two day period... the days I got home from the hospital.  I just wanted to watch him the whole time.  I was constantly wondering if he needed to be changed... he needed food... or if he was breathing.  I would watch him sleep...just watching him breathe.  AND...I, of course, woke him up several times...because he was so darn cute.  I just wanted him to look at me. 

Overall, it was the best dream I've ever had.  And...somehow... I think it really rings true to how I'm gonna be after he's born.  When I woke up, I was a little pissed.  I wasn't done playing with Stanley!!

Hopefully, I have more dreams like that!!  :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Women Are Superior!

I almost feel sorry for men.

They are these creatures that walk around and aren't able to create a life in their own bodies.  Even if they can feel their baby kick inside mom's belly, it isn't the same thing as the woman feels.  They don't get the same experience at all. Sure, they feel like the lucky ones.  Men don't have to gain weight and actually birth a I'm sure they feel like they hit the lottery most days.  They can do physical activities, work, provide care to the best of their ability, and donate sperm to a woman.  So...YES, ladies, men are actually needed in the whole life process.  They just don't get the same experience. 

If we look at the whole man vs woman thing, I think the magical part of being a woman is actually having a child.  In other words.... FEMALES are much stronger than males. :)  Yes, I said it...and I 100% believe it.  We are MUCH stronger than men.  Men go to work and come home after a "stressful" day....only to complain about how hard their job is.  GIVE ME A BREAK.  I'm sure most of these men really do have stressful days, but women in the work world have the same stress.  Women just deal with it differently.  In fact, I think most men are complete babies when it comes to bitching about stress.  They always feel they have soooo much on their plate.... yet women do to.  I guess we just expect to have more on our plate, because we are women.  So.... we don't complain about it in the same way.  And... more than likely... us ladies have that girlfriend we can call and complain to quite often.  Men don't necessarily do that.  They bottle their stress, and let it build up.  Perhaps that's why they keep themselves in a constant state of stress., women have the babies.  It means we gain a ton of weight...stop drinking... stop going out to nightclubs... can't fit into our wardrobe... BASICALLY...we give up a year of our lives to provide care for a child that lives in our tummy.  Men don't have to do any of this stuff.  They can come home after a long day and have a cocktail (ok...they can have as many cocktails as they want).  They can continue going to the gym and wear the same clothes.  They can go out with their friends on a Friday night (if they so choose).  They never get kicked in the gut by their baby.  And...most importantly ... they don't have to birth an 8lb child. 

Pregnant women can't just come home after a long day on her swollen feet and have a couple dozen cocktails because her back is killing.  Pregnant women can't go out to nightclubs to all hours of the night in a cute little dress with high heels (ok...maybe some can but I wouldn't recommend it...and it may be a red flag that you're gonna be a horrible mom).  Pregnant women can hit the gym, but they can't always do the hardcore work-outs they did before.  Besides... we can't keep our amazing abs in check.  Now... men can do all that, but let's face it.... a lot of men gain weight right along with their pregnant ladies.  Actually, MOST men gain a ton of weight just after high school.  You know what I'm talking about.  I'd say 97% of the guys I went to high school with look a HOT damn mess.  They are out of shape... and look as if they let themselves go the day after high school graduation.  LOL - seems like it's always the most popular/good-looking guys that look like that.  No offense to anyone...but YOU all have to know it's true..OR perhaps you're in denial.  That lone 3% actually managed to continue on with their good looks or even look better than ever.  Good for you, men!  And... men can go out to social functions every night if they choose.  Pregnant ladies are too tired for that.  Frankly, if my husband decided to have a "boys night" out, he would find his clothes on the front porch when he came home.  He knows better. 

This leads me to BIRTHING a child.  I honestly don't think men could ever have the strength to do this.  Okay, so SOME men might be able to hack it, but I honestly don't believe the majority could deal with it.  The human race would come to a screeching halt if men had babies.  Men are such wimps...they just don't want females to figure it out.  Sorry men... we know! 

Men get so disgusted by changing a dirty diaper.  You'd think they wouldn't .... lord knows.... they spend enough hours in the bathroom dumping it up.  Perhaps it's because men don't do the best job wiping their own asses... so maybe they are intimated having to wipe someone elses.  Men can't take pain.  AND if they are ever in any pain, they make a HUGE production out of it.  If something falls on their foot... yelling, cussing, and a time-out is needed.  If they get a cut, they need to stop everything because they are bleeding to death.  They convince everyone they might need stitches for a small scratch.  If they get a charlie horse, everyone in the neighborhood needs to hear the "OWWWWW!"  If they get a headache, they need to get in bed and can't continue on with life.  AND...someone please explain to me the need for men to "walk it out."  They have to walk everything out...yet nothing ever seems to get worked out that way.   

Honestly, I'm not scared to change a diaper or clean up vomit.  It doesn't phase me.  If something falls on my foot, I might make a face depending upon how bad it hurt, but you will NEVER hear me scream about it.  I'm more of a ... "stand in one place and hold your foot for a second" type.  As long as nothing is broken, I can get moving...even if it's with a limp.  If i get a cut, it's really not a big long as I don't get blood on my nice clothes!!!  If I get a charlie horse, you can be sitting right next to me, and you'd never know I was having the worst cramp of my life.  I just don't think we need a production.  I dream about the day when I can have headaches over migraines.  Us ladies tend to function just fine with even the worst migraines. 

Now, with all of that said.... we all still adore our men.  They have flaws just like we do, BUT they will never be as strong as us ladies.  Ladies know haven't figured it out yet.  Women are the superior beings... we just allow men to think differently.  It must be the motherly instinct in us. :)

Now...if we could just get a woman President, the whole world would make sense.....

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Crying Game

Let me just discuss the uncontrollable crying one goes through when they are pregnant.

Ok, let me first say...I really don't cry!  I'm not an overly emotional person.  In fact, I don't understand those people who are that way.  You know the types....they will cry about anything...anywhere.. anytime.  Frankly, I would be embarrassed to be that type.  I can't even be friends with those people....not because they are bad or anything...I just DO NOT understand those types.  My step-daughter, almost 14-years-old, will cry about ANYTHING... ANYWHERE... ANYTIME!  I wouldn't be caught dead crying in the middle of a crowd at Universal Studios ... or school... or the mall... BUT she does that.  AND...I don't get it.  I get you cry when you're a kid, but damn... when you reach like 10.... that crying shit looks silly.  Now....I TOTALLY get crying over something serious or highly emotional.  If you have a death in the family, a serious illness, or if you find out your parents are getting divorced, then I TOTALLY understand crying.  I can even do the crying thing when you're happy for yourself or a loved one.  That is all understandable to me.  Ya know, I would hate those girls in school that would cry every time they got their feelings hurt.  They were sooooo delicate, while everyone thought I was just hardcore (as if I didn't have feelings).  I have feelings.  I just don't choose to cry while I'm having a feeling.  Do I cry?  Absolutely!  I'm just like everyone else.  But I usually only cry when I'm really REALLY hurt.  AND... I try very hard to cry with nobody else around.  I guess I kind of see crying as a weakness. I will participate in the crying game but very rarely. 

HOWEVER.... when you get pregnant, it's a whole new ballgame.  I haven't been overly emotional thus far in my pregnancy, but sometimes I get a surge of this need to cry.'s really only happened twice, but that is quite enough for me.  I've heard of pregnant ladies crying every single day....ugh... THAT would suck.  I HOPE I don't turn into that type.  UGH. 

Two weeks ago, I was leaving the grocery after a long day of shopping and running errands.  While I was shopping, I had this overwhelming sadness that came over me.  I couldn't figure out what the issue was, but I just went with it.  I started racking my brain for an explanation.  I kept asking myself, "Sam, why the hell are you so sad?  Did something happen today?"  I couldn't figure it out.  By the time I got out to the car, I felt like someone had just died.  I threw my groceries in the car, got in, and CRIED my eyes out.  I cried allllll the way home. wasn't a little sniffle here and was a full out BAWLING my eyes out.  As I pulled into my driveway, I just prayed that the neighbors weren't outside.  I didn't want to explain that I was crying FOR NO REASON!  Thank God they weren't out.  I carried all my items in .... crying.  I put up the groceries... crying.  I sat down... cried...and cried... and CRIED!!  It was sooo ridiculous.  There was no reason for my crying...except that I'm pregnant and hormones make you ridiculous.

I went through the same thing this evening.  I started bawling my eyes out for no reason.  I'm just thankful this hasn't happened in front of anyone.  

So, as I sit here, I currently have blood shot eyes that are super puffy.  My cheeks are all red, and I look like hell.  Pregnancy can make a woman beyond ridiculous....and super unattractive.  Now, let me pick up this pile of Kleenex.   

Friday, October 7, 2011

Little Feet ...

(PLEASE NOTE: The above picture is NOT my stomach.  I still have a belly button... THANKS!)

You really can't be upset during the day when little feet pop out of your tummy.

For several weeks, I've had the pleasure of seeing Stanley's feet and arms pop out of my tummy.  He likes to kick and punch.  I LOVE pulling my shirt up so I can see my tummy when he kicks.  He's to the point where he doesn't just kick, but he will leave his foot out for a second.  I love feeling his feet from this side of the womb.

When my OB puts a fetal heart monitor on my belly, he kicks it!  He's beyond accurate in his kicks... I'm just assuming my child is an amazing kicker.  He MUST be the only baby that does this (so I tell myself)...which makes him the smartest baby in a womb.

Now, I've already started bragging about my lil man, and he isn't even here yet.  I always rush home with my ultrasound pictures, and I show Brian exactly how amazing his child is.  The potential in this child... is just out of this world.  I mean you can just see this kid is a WINNER!!  Of course...I know I'm being a crazy, bragging mom...but it's fine! 

While I was sitting in the Doctor's office the other day, I overheard some ladies talking about their babies and how they kick/move around in their womb.  They were bragging and saying their children are obviously going to be sports stars.  I was thinking...."WOW!  That sounds like my child!!"  Because... damn.. I catch myself saying the same things.  Then... I realized how ridiculous we all sound.  THEN... I realized.... These mother's have no idea what I'M growing in my womb!!  They do NOT feel what I feel...their child doesn't kick with 100% accuracy.  They can't possibly have amazing ultrasound sessions like I do!  As I sit here and type this, I'm only HALF-joking.  It's a mommy's right to think her children are the absolute BEST little people in the world!  Instead of thinking I'm a crazy, I'm just going to accept that I'm already an amazing mother who thinks her child hung the moon, stars, and everything in between.  I can only imagine how bad I'm going to get when he gets here. 

Back Pain...

Hello Back Pain!

So, I get this low dull back pain that pretty much sucks.  I try to stay away from the internet in looking up back pain and pregnancy, because I always tend to diagnose myself.  That isn't helpful.  It's like an ache... doesn't really get worse... or better... just kind of sticks around.  Some days I have it, and some days I don't. 

I kind of freaked out when people told me about this thing...back labor.  I didn't know what the heck that was.  I talked to my OB about my issues, and he basically said I'm fine.  As long as it doesn't start getting worse or coming in waves (like every 10 minutes), I should be fine.  Apparently, the weight has shifted in my body...well, DUH!  I'm front heavy it puts more pressure on my back.  I KNEW there was a reason I f'n hated boobs!  Now...I have massive boobs and a large tummy... not exactly desirable.  I want to go on a diet soooo bad it kills me! 

My OB also gave me some other great advice.  When I start to freak out about anything, he told me to just remember that women have been having babies for ... well, forever.  Women have been having home births... and some women participate in crazy sh*t even before they know they are pregnant.  He said, "Just think of all the crack babies that end up perfectly fine!!  I mean if you want to guarantee a perfect birth... just do some crack!"  LOL - of course, he was joking!! But he does have a point.  There are sooo many people doing horrible things while pregnant, and those babies usually end up just fine.  He said as long as I don't start drinking heavily ... go join the rodeo and ride some horses... I should be just fine. 

So... back pain (CHECK)... trying to not worry about every little pain (CHECK)...

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Get A Kick Out Of It!

At this point, I can pretty much tell when Stanley is awake, because he will start up a kicking storm.  It doesn't hurt, of course, but he is getting stronger by the day.  He likes to punch my must be fun for him.  And... it feels so weird when he moves around behind my belly button.  I'm so scared he is going to kick at my belly button, and it will quickly become flat!  Yes, I still have my belly button!  I assume it will become flat like every other pregnant lady, but I'm hoping it waits until the last minute.  I don't want it to start popping out! 

My lil man is a complete night owl.  He's very active in the early morning and around noon, but he's his most active at night.  Usually... around 10 or 11pm.  His kicks get super strong then.  Throughout the day, I can usually tell he's awake because he will start a little kicking fit... but it's never quite as strong or long as night time.  I guess he takes after his momma!  :) 

Some of my friends who don't have kids yet ask me if the kicks hurt.  NOPE!  Not at all.  They feel weird...because HELLO there is a person growing inside your stomach, but they don't hurt.  Even when he punches my bladder, it doesn't hurt.  In fact, I usually get very sad when he's not moving.  I want to wake him up :)  I love feeling the little man move.  When he kicks, it puts a huge smile on my face...AANNDD, of course, I start talking to him. 

The other night I put my cell phone on my tummy. I don't normally do that, but I just wanted to rest it there for a minute.  He immediately kicked it twice!! He doesn't normally kick that high, but he went right for it!  I swear...he wanted to make a call.  I immediately sent Brian a text (he's in Vegas for a conference) and told him that Stanley wanted to call him ...and ask him to come home!  Brian likes the thought that the baby already misses him :)  He gets a kick out of it!