Wednesday, July 20, 2011
This is my "way-of-life" ...
Okay, I've ALWAYS been a homebody. I'm just someone that likes being alone. I mean I wasn't always this bad, but as I get older... the loner in me really stands out! Will I go out and do things with people?? Sure. Of course! BUT...I don't go out very often. Why? Because I don't feel the need to be around people all the dang time. In my eyes... People = Drama! (strike that... SOME people = drama). Now, I do have some amazing friends (strike that... I have the BEST friends a girl could ask for) that I would LOVE to see every single day, but let's face it.... THEY all live all OVER the USA! So, that option is OUT for me. Plus, even if we all lived in the same town, they have lives too! LOL! I digress.
The whole thing with me is that I LOVE to be alone. Yes, if you do see me out on a rare occasion, it's because I'm usually out of town and am doing the whole visiting thing... so I get in my "let's see everyone has much as humanly possible" state-of-mind. Going to the mall with friends was fine back in the high-school/college days, but I don't see the point of it now. I can only shop alone.... I'm much faster by myself. Now, some people might think I'm weird. I get that. BUT... If so, then I think being a needy person who MUST be in contact with another human (and they will take anyone) a little... *won't use a word here. I have friends that need to have human interaction on a daily basis...and I totally get it. It's just not for me... so don't judge me...and I won't judge you! K - moving on!
So, my "way-of-life" brings up two things... (1) Why am I so depressed with a recent development that KEEPS in my home?? (2) Will my child end up like me?
(1) Okay, so the recent development is MY HUGE BOOBS! Frankly, I used to love to get out and go to the gym, grocery, mall, run errands, etc....HOWEVER, I am completely embarrassed to do so now. I've been invited out to lunches and want to desperately make it to the gym every single day, but at this point it's not lack of energy.... IT's THESE F'N BOOBS that KEEP me in my home!! They are soo embarrassing. Now, most of you might think I'm being ridiculous, but what if your freakin nose grew the size of Montana?? Or... your foot decided to expand to the side of a seal? Would you really feel like getting up, getting dressed, and heading out for the day?? HELL NO, YOU WOULDN'T!
The thought of putting on a HUGE bra (which in all reality isn't that huge) just to tame these puppies sucks! I mean... I get that I'm pregnant and all... so my boobs are going to be massive, but could these loser boobs be masked in any way? Now, I get that some girls would LOVE the extra flubber in the boobilicous area.. BUT I'm not one of them. These things are PORN STAR ready. I mean they still look great.... it's the SIZE of them that kills me. I think about going places, but then I realize I will have to wear a huge shirt (okay...size M... not huge... but when you come from wearing little girls sizes.. 10/12... it's a little different).... and I don't want to wear a bigger shirt! I'm starting to do the whole flannel shirt (yes, I know it's 1000 degrees outside, but the look works for me) and shorts. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm soooooo ready for WINTER! Bring on the frosty weather and the snow. I'm ready!
Once we get settled into our new home, and I have my home gym back.... I think I will feel much better about life. I wonder if they sell shirts that say,"THIS is NOT what I normally look like. Check back with me in 9months to a year...and you can meet the actual ME!" Perhaps I could just settle for the shirts that say, "I'm not fat... I'm pregnant!"
(2) So, is my child destined to follow in the loner footsteps? I don't know. Some of you might think that if I LOVE being alone so much... then how the hell did I get married? And... how the hell did I think having a child (that needs to be around me 24/7) was a good idea?
Well, that's all very simple. My husband is the only guy I've ever wanted to be around 24/7. He travels and works so much that having my "ME" time or being able to travel by myself works. He just isn't one of those "in your face" guys. That's always worked best for me. I've never been an "in your face" kinda gal... I think that was my major appeal when I was in the dating world! ;) Although, I HAVE decided that I will not be traveling without him anymore.... unless it's an emergency or a prior commitment I've made! :) Ya see, I don't really consider wanting to be with my hubby the same as wanting to be with other people 24/7. At this point, he's more of just an extension of me. His presence is necessary like the air I breathe. So, this is why having a child doesn't freak me out. My child will be an extension of myself. Something that is necessary for me to live. It's not that fact that I want him/her or need him/her... it's just absolutely necessary that he/she is there... with me... all the time. Get it? I've never had the luxury of being able to explain myself intricately. So, if you don't get it, I understand. :)
Is my child destined to be a loner type? Well, possibly. I have the perfect understanding that I'm going to be giving birth to my new best friend. Now, as much as I want this little guy or little girl to be Mr/Ms Popularity as they get older, it scares the SH*T out of me. I don't want some other loser child who has had a shitty and unloving life to hurt my child in any way. The sheer thought of someone talking smack to my little angel makes me see red. So, is that just natural mommy instinct?
Well..My parents were beyond protective.... The whole thing with them was..."you start shit with our kids and we MIGHT blow your fuckin head off." (No need for asterisks when you need to get your point across). lol. To this day, they still feel very much the same... and this new grandbaby will get the same treatment. Once you have been born or inducted into the Putnam-clan, it's like you have an army for life. So, I mean I grew up realizing that as a family we were as thick as thieves. Some of you reading this might have felt the wrath a time or two. ;) In a moments notice, we were ready and willing to throw down....and going to jail/prison for defending a family member was NEVER out of the question. THANKFULLY, it never got that far... but it was ALWAYS on the table. So, motherly instinct (nature)... YES... a little Putnam family learning (nurture)... YES! OKAY.... Perhaps, I should encourage the loner lifestyle... it could really save me or another family member from heading off to Sing Sing. :)
(OR...I just gotta let Baby Herington's friends know that Momma Herington is as serious as a fuckin heart attack when it comes to messin with her child/children.)
So... as you can read... today was "one of those days." I'm sure tomorrow will be better. If you got anything out of this blog today, perhaps it's that (1) reading blogs are a great way to drain your brain of those pesky brain cells you THOUGHT you needed (2) Sam will NEVER get a boob job... unless it's a reduction to be flatter than a board (3) Hmm... don't f*ck with the fam?!
Now that I've worked through all of that with ALL of you in tow, we can all move on!