Saturday, August 13, 2011

What Has Changed...

I'm about 17 weeks...almost half way there!  So, what has changed so far??  I will give you the rundown....

(1)  Good-bye thongs... Hello MOM panties!  Okay, so I used to be the girl that wore nothing but thongs.  Why?  It wasn't to show them off like the other slurrrts in the world.... they were simply to rid myself of the dreaded panty lines...yuck!  There is nothing worse than seeing a girl with tight pants and a big fat panty line... ewww!!!  NOW, I can't even STAND a thong.  I don't know if it's my ass that has expanded so much that the string gets lost in the padding of my ass and becomes uncomfortable OR if it's my new body that says..."You're a mom (well, almost) now and thongs aren't appropriate!  I am guessing it's more of the first option.  Although, my ass isn't really that fat...still firm... just a little larger than my usual extended leg.  And besides... I can't imagine my body telling me that it's okay for mommies to have a PANTY LINE!  Ok, so extra padding it is!

(2)  Good-bye 30-32 A bra's...hello 34C!  The majority of ladies out there would LOVE to get huge boobs, but I am sooooo not one of them.  You see... I used to be heavier... I used to have C's.  However, I did sooo much working out and really attempted to lose them that I actually won the battle with my ta-ta's!  I had finally gotten them down to A's!  Yes, I made fun of my small mosquito bites, but they looked sooo much better in shirts.  Ugh... now I have these ridiculous meat balloon's.  I've had people warn me that your nips and areola's get HUGE f'n saucers.  Umm... so far... that hasn't happened to me.  I'm wondering if that is ever going to happen or if that just happens to some ladies (perhaps already with LARGE areola's). lol - OK, I'm already grossed out.  Well, if that disgusting sh*t ever does happens to my lovely ta-ta's, I will let ya'all know.  As for now, I just have to watch these porn star boobs get bigger and bigger. 

(3)  Good-bye stick legs... hello chunky trunks.  My OB told me that I would probably put on more weight because I was petite, wasn't able to work out as much, and my diet would change drastically.  Plus, he said being in the middle of a stressful move and relocating to an extremely humid climate would make it worse.  He said water weight gain would be certain.  Okay, so that makes me feel better, but what the F happened to my legs?!  It's like they are holding 40 gallons of water.  I feel like if I perhaps started to twist my calf every so slightly to the left... WATER would come pouring out.  I'm serious about that... but also too lazy to try the twist and pour method.  The good news is.... he told me I should drop weight fairly quickly afterward... MUSIC to my little ears! 

(4)  Okay, my memory is shot.  I can't remember anything!  If you tell me something, more than likely I will forget it in a matter of 5 seconds.  I will leave my cell all around my house, then I forget where I put it.  I can't even remember what room's I had been to or when I last saw it.  I rarely have my cell on anything but vibrate, so calling it wouldn't help.  Anyway... I am a stickler now for putting all important things in my cell with an alarm.  AND... I have to keep a pen and paper in every I can make myself notes.  I swear... most people who act like this have usually been doing too much ecstasy or PCP or some other nasty drug that puts holes in your brain.  So, if you call, text or send me an email, I will more than likely forget about it... unless I answer you right away when I get it.  I apologize if I seem a little flighty, but it isn't by choice!  Plus, my vocabulary has become very limited.  It's like I'm constantly searching for the right words to say... I'm the typical ditsy blonde now!

(5) Stating the obvious.... I miss my abs!  I have pictures of my flat stomach with abs looking all great... aanndd I can't even stand to look at those pictures now.  I went through a phase where I was positive I would never see that flat stomach again, but I've totally changed my mind.  I am determined to get back in shape.  I might not ever be as thin as I once was... and things my look a little different.. BUT... I will absolutely TRY!  AND... I will never kill myself trying to achieve the impossible.  BUT... I will undoubtedly give it a try!  My whole train of thought has changed... I am positive I will turn myself into the svelte gal I once was.  I will just have a new arm exercise ... lifting up my beautiful baby boy! 

(6)  I've stopped getting my nails done, and I have ZERO tan.  It has come to the point where... if I can't look exactly how I want... then forget it.  What is the point of having nice nails and a tan if you are slowly turning into a female version of John Goodman??  I say.. no point!  I mean my nails don't look awful, and I try to get them done every once in awhile.  I'm just not that every two weeks get them done kinda gal now.  I figure that's for the best.... When Baby Herington (whoa...almost used his name) gets here, I won't be able to get my nails and toes done that often anyway.  It's better this way!  Hmm... I wonder if I can get someone to come to my house to do my nails?  I didn't think about that... I bet I could make that happen.  Everyone else seems to deliver.. Dry-cleaning, spray tans, pizza... why not nails??  I'll see what I can do... (I'll probably forget to look into that in about 5 seconds anyway)

(7)  Pizza face.  My skin used to be so nice... except for an occasional break-out.  Now, it stays in a constant state of zit attack.  I am finally starting to sympathize with those kids in high school that had horrible acne.  You know the ones I'm talking about... the ones with dots ALL over their face... and they couldn't even cover it up with makeup (or paint).  Note to self:  If Baby Herington (again, I wanted to use his name..aahh) has horrible acne, we get it treated immediately.  AND... if he doesn't, we teach him NEVER to make fun of kids that do have it.  Gotta remember this one!

(8) My hair gets on my last nerve!!!  It's too hot to have all this damn hair.  I'm constantly throwing it up in a pony tail or bun.  Plus, I never actually feel like doing it.  I always have good intentions to curl it...or ya know.. brush it.  I just never get to that point.  It is simply in the way.  AAnndd... so wonderful that it's gotten even thicker with pregnancy...NOT!  It's like wearing a horses tail on your head! ARGH!  BUT... don't get me wrong.  I would never in a million years think about cutting it.  I just keep thinking about this movie 'For Keeps' with Molly Ringwald.  She gets pregnant and cuts all her hair off.  I always scream at the TV... WHY?!?!  For the love of Pete, why the hell would she do that?!?!?  It looked so much better long.  Short hair looks AMAZING on some people, but I'm not one of those people.  I need some hair.  So, I just have to deal with it.  Besides... my baby with need some hair to pull on! :) 

(9)  My heart has expanded.  When I found out that I was finally pregnant after trying for all of a second, I was thrilled! The past few months... I was thinking about what he or she is going to be like.  Then, yesterday... I had confirmation that my thoughts about having a boy were dead on.  This is the first grandchild for my parents and first grandson for Brian's parents (they have four granddaughters).  Needless to say, I'm over the moon.  My baby already has THINGS!  He has a room, a bathroom, a closet, baby clothes, toys, and books..... and we are just getting started!  Everyone now calls him by his name, and the fact that I'm going to be raising a son... a magnificent son... has made my heart just expand.  It's kind of like that scene in 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas.'  My heart has grown three sizes.  I will quote the movie... "And what happened, then?  Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day." 

So, in the whole realm of things... I don't mind the gaining weight.  Sure it sucks, but it is all for a great cause.  I don't mind wearing big, huge panties.  I don't mind my bazooka boobs. (Okay, yes I do... but they won't be here forever).  I don't mind my chunky trunk legs.  I don't mind the memory loss.  Hell, something are better forgotten anyway!  I don't give a crap about the abs I once had.  I could care less about my nails or a stupid Jersey Shore tan.  I can deal with my pizza face and this horrible hair.  And I hope my heart grows 10 sizes bigger!  So, that's where I am!  I am a mommy-to-be..... and all that really matters is my adorable son and the health and happiness of my family. 

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