Thursday, November 10, 2011

My First Baby Class!

Last weekend I went to my first baby class!!  It was called 'From Pregnancy to Parenthood."  Now, they have these classes during the week, but they are night classes.  I don't do night classes.  My husband is out of town too much for me to spend anymore time away from him.  SO... I made him take the all day Saturday class with me!  8am-4pm!  Here's how it went...

We were the first ones to arrive.  Naturally, we took seats in the very front of the class....I always preferred sitting in the front of the class.  Anywho... as 12 couples rolled in slowly (majority were late)... it was obvious I was the most excited to be there!  Nobody else really seemed that enthusiastic, but I figured they were just having pregnancy irritability issues.  We started our class by introducing ourselves, stating our due date, and saying whether we were having a boy or a girl.  Some people whispered their names and seemed so unsure of what was going on.  When it came my turn, I was beyond excited to shout out my name and tell everyone I was having a BOY!  To say I was overly enthused... is QUITE an understatement.  (I immediately had a flash back to a college theater class where my professor called me 'Bubbles' because I was super bubbly.) 

So ... we get into the subject of pregnancy.  What to expect during our final months... when to call your Doctor... etc.  I knew all of this stuff.  The day after I found out I was having a baby...I went out and bought a bunch of pregnancy books and read them from front to back.  I also have a great group of friends that have shared their stories of pregnancy with me.... they are very helpful in preparing their little Sammy friend.  Ok... so the instructor broke us up into groups for a small exercise.  The men went into another room, while us ladies stayed put.  We were all to come up with the TOP 10 issues or concerns we were going through (regarding the pregnancy).  One of the ladies took to a large sheet of paper and started writing down our issues (as we all yelled them out). (1) Swelling (2) Back Pain (3) Insomnia (4) Moving is harder (5) Hormonal (6) Worry (7) Heartburn (8) Crazy Cravings (9) Uncomfortable (10)... nobody could seem to come up with anything else.  I thought...ARE YOU ALL CRAZY?!?!  I immediately scream out ..WEIGHT GAIN!  Considering I was one of the smallest ladies in the room, I assumed someone would have yelled that out first. contribution was fatso complaining.  Does that surprise anyone?? 

The men finally come in with their TOP 10 list of concerns/issues.  As I quickly scroll down the list with my eyes, I look to Brian and ask, "Omigod, which one did you contribute?"  He said, "I didn't say anything. These guys had everything under the sun to complain about, but I wasn't about to participate."  I give him that look (you know the Are you bullshitting me?).  He knows that look very well.  He says,"I swear I didn't say one thing." So... the guy's list... (1) No more independence (2) Lack of sleep (3) Money (4) Caring for an infant (5) Lack/no sex (6) Wife's body changes (7) Dealing with her attitude (8) Having to do more (9) Worry (10) Am I ready?  

The instructor starts getting into our concerns/issues one by one.  The females list was much easier to get through... it is what we bitch about every single day.  No surprise to anyone.  While going through the men's list, NO MAN wanted to admit certain issues they contributed.  I immediately knew Brian didn't have those issues..well maybe (7) Dealing with her attitude.  ;)  That's anytime though...not just pregnancy related! LOL. Otherwise, I quickly realized none of that had anything to do with him.... I knew he was telling the truth.  As we went through the list, the women started getting pissy.  No more independence??  Caring for an infant??  Having to do more??  Am I ready??  Well... damn... if you men weren't ready, then you shouldn't be bangin your ladies!  The HUGE issue the women had... "Wife's body changes."  The instructor asked who had that concern....NOBODY said anything.  Some guy raised his hand and said, "Ok...I swear I didn't say that one, but the guy that did said he didn't really care for the way his wife looked and he was worried she would never look the same again."  The ladies quickly looked at their men.  I asked Brian, "Which dumbass said that?"  He wrote down on a piece of paper..."Orange Shirt."  LOL - I immediately look at the dude in the orange shirt....Not even close to attractive.  His poor wife has no idea that he thinks she is unattractive... but his loser ass should look in a mirror and drop about 100lbs.

We finished up the first portion of the class and took a hospital tour (which I'd already taken).  Brian hadn't seen the brand new hospital yet, so he enjoyed it.  As we walked around, we heard a lullaby come over the intercom.  Apparently, whenever a lullaby plays throughout the hospital, it means a new baby has just been born.  I thought that was very cute...and I realized someday that lullaby will be for me and Stanley.  We broke for an hour lunch...and Brian and I went to a nearby restaurant.  The beginning of our lunch was me asking..."OK...who said 'Dealing with her attitude'?"  He went through each of the 10 issues and told me which guy had the issue.  It was hilarious.  We basically dissected the whole first portion and went back.

The second half of the class was basically when the baby gets here: Learning to hold the baby, Changing the baby, and Swaddling.  The instructor looked at me and said, "Well some of you just look like natural mommy's!"  I decided that was my GOLD STAR for the day.  The lady across from me couldn't change a diaper...and swaddling was NOT her strong point.  Her husband kept correcting her.  Throughout the whole day of learning, these people had such a look of worry and uncertainty on their faces.  I just approached everything with confidence.  Brian has done all this before so he was the most skilled man...and like usual....he did everything in record time.  Although, I think I'm better at holding a baby! 

The class was pretty informational, but I felt I knew the majority of the stuff.  The only thing I didn't enjoy was watching two video's of women giving birth.  I don't know why I  have to see that.  I will NEVER have that view...EVER!! I will be feeling it...not looking at it.  And why...oh why ... do they have to show the most unattractive females giving birth?  I can't relate to some frazzled lady that looks like she won a hairy beaver contest.  I, of course, was making comments the whole time to Brian.  Needless to say, he was a little more mature than I was.  He waited until we left to bust on the video's. 

All in all, it was a good class.  It made me feel more confident about what I already knew...and I did learn a couple of things!  I new I was mentally prepared for everything, but this just ensured me that I was ready.  It confirmed my readiness.  (I'm talking about readiness for labor....not having a baby.  I was born to have children.... the readiness was there before I got pregnant).  I'm sure as the big day approaches I'll start to freak out a bit.  Hopefully, I will be able to stay focused.   

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