Sunday, July 31, 2011

What can you learn from a nightmare?

When you're pregnant, you have some WILD dreams!  Every night it's like a completely different thing.  They are so vivid... it's nothing like I've ever experienced.  A week ago, I had a dream about several people I knew from high school that I haven't seen or thought about in YEARS!  Why these people popped up in my dreams.... I have no idea!  Anywho... getting down to the reason I'm talking about my dreams.  Last night, I had a very disturbing dream... I'd call it a nightmare.  I will give you the readers digest version... it went something like this...

I was hanging out with another couple (an old friend from college and his pregnant wife).  They pulled out a Fetal Doppler (device to detect and listen to your babies heartbeat).  Anyway... his wife used it, and you could heart the babies heartbeat.  They let me give it a try... I couldn't detect a heartbeat.  I tried.. and tried.. and tried..  no luck.  It freaked me out.  Then, for some reason we were in a cabin.  (I know.. weird dream) We were all getting in our sleeping bags ... I mean I guess it was time to go to bed. lol.. anywho..  I began to feel something running down my leg.  It was blood!! I was having a miscarriage.  I then ended up in the ER... (dreams are weird ... they have transitions similar to a movie... you're in one place and then find yourself in another).  So, I'm in the ER... and I'm just crying.  Bawling my eyes out to be exact.  And screaming, "NO! NO!"  This when on forever. Then, I woke up.... but I wasn't really awake... I was in a dream STILL!  (it was like some weird Inception thing).  So, I "woke up" in my own bed and was grateful it was a dream.  I went to the bathroom to pee for the millionth time in a day...and I find out that I DID have a miscarriage.  Again, I find myself in the ER... screaming... crying... dying inside.  THEN, I actually woke up.  I immediately have a migraine. The dream was unbelievably stressful for me.  BUT... I can't tell you how thankful I was it was just a dream. 

Ya know, I read that it's common for pregnant women to have the "miscarriage" nightmare, but I don't think I could go through that stress again.  I honestly hope I NEVER have that nightmare again.  It's funny though... you spend your whole life trying NOT to get pregnant.  Before you try to get pregnant, you have nightmares that you DO get pregnant, and your reaction is crying... bawling your eyes out.. screaming NO!  You're not mentally prepared for a child.... or at least you don't think you are.  So, even though I had to go through that horrible nightmare... TWICE in one night... I think it made me realize that I couldn't be more ready to have a baby.  Yes, my angel was planned, but you sometimes doubt if you're ready.  You ask yourself: "Will I be a good mom?  Am I ready for this?  Can I handle the responsibility?"  I am just like every other person.... I doubt myself.  However, that nightmare made me realize something.  At this point, I can't imagine my life without my baby.  I mean he/she isn't even here yet, and I don't want to live without them.  I'm 100% ready for my sweet-pea.  

Am I ready for a 5am feeding?  Am I ready to hear my shrieking baby in the middle of the night or at a restaurant?  Am I ready to get barfed on?  Am I ready to worry every minute of every day about the well-being of my baby?  The answer is... YES!  I can't wait.  

So, the best part of a nightmare is that it isn't real... and perhaps you can learn something from it.  :)

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