Monday, August 22, 2011

The Lion & The Unicorn...

I'm still highly irritated by idiots.

Yes, I'm hormonal.  Yes, I go off on everyone for everything.  Yes, I realize this isn't my fault.  Yes, I realize it will go away. 

Now that we have that out of the way... let's get into it.  Prior to pregnancy, I was pretty laid back.  Would I go nuts on someone if I had to?? Sure!  I'm laid back...not a push over (never have been).  But now I get sooo worked up over the smallest things.  I'm starting to think my baby is going to have a nervous condition or be irritated with everyone... all because I'm sure he feels my craziness. 

So, yesterday.... I was irritated with Brian.... don't ask me what for.  I just was.  I decided I had to get out of the house and go shopping.  I immediately become furious that he won't go with me.  He thought I needed some alone time.  lol - perhaps HE needed the alone time from the crazy person who has taken over my chunky body.  Anywho.... I realized later that if he had decided to go with me... I would have probably been pissed off about that too.  There is no winning on his side...ever! I'm out shopping...

I went to Ulta to pick up some shampoo, conditioner, and whatever else I saw on the shelf that I might need or that I didn't need for that matter.  I walked in the door, and as usual the alarm goes off.  This happens to me all of the time.  It's usually my Jaguar remote that makes every damn store alarm go off.  Naturally, EVERYONE in the store looks at me like I'm a thief.  (A chunky thief at that).  I give everyone a scowl and immediately get pissed off.  These idiots don't need to look at me!  I was quickly approached by two sales clerks.  The lady asked me what made the alarm go off.  I told her it was my Jag remote.  The man...who clearly had on more makeup than me... asked to see my purse.  He said he needed to run it through the detector.  I thought...REALLY!??!  REALLY!?!?!  Everyone is looking at me like I am some criminal straight from the local prison.  For a split second, they actually had me thinking I stole something before I even walked into the damn store!  I started to sweat like I'd done something wrong!  For a second there, I probably looked guilty of something.  lol - then I came to my senses and just got annoyed.  I walked over to makeup man's check out counter.  He said he would need to run my purse through the scanner, because he said, "sometimes they sew sensors into purses."  MMhhmmm...  He then takes my f'n brand new GUCCI purse and starts to rub it all over the counter!  Ok... I have an issue with this.  I was like, "Dude, that purse wasn't cheap...and I don't buy fakes... so can we please not get it dirty." He ignored me.  Dude seriously acted like I might be up to something! hahah .... ME!  I have a Gucci bag that was well over 1k, and he treats me like a criminal.  Ummm...did he see my rings??  They cost more than he's made in his whole life!  UGH!  I told him, "Wow...this is really embarrassing."  He said, "Oh no girl, you're fine."  He hands me back my purse, and I immediately call my mother.

As I walk through the aisles to find my Pureology Shampoo & Conditioner, I immediately start giving an ear-full my mother.  She's the only one that totally understands my anger, and she doesn't care if I turn into a quick snob because I've been insulted by a man wearing more makeup than a clown.  By the time I get up to pay for my items (yes... I said PAY...because I can afford these cheap little items) I am clearly PISSED.  The lady quickly checks me out, and the whole time I'm dissing everyone that works there (of course I was dissing them to my mother but they all heard me).  As I left, I made sure they felt like shit by making a couple of rude remarks.  (I won't repeat them).  My mother asked me, "you're in your car, right?"  Umm... No... they heard me.  She totally thought I was going to get shot... or beat up.. or whatever.  She really can't believe I say the things I do to people.  Of course, she laughs... but she knows the bitch I can turn into when provoked.  NEVER poke a sleeping lion..... it never ends well.  

(The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown.  The lion beat the unicorn all around the town. LOL - sorry that just popped into my head.  It's a good lesson for those unicorns out there though.  And... I'm starting to think all pregnant women are the lions... while the rest are innocent bystanders or aka the unicorns)

I immediately swore to myself that I will never purchase anything else from Ulta.  Now, prior to pregnancy, I would have still been pissed off.  But I would have been very understanding that these people were just doing their job.  I probably would have said a couple of semi-shitty things...but overall been very polite about the situation.  Next time that happens, I will refuse them to scan my purse.  They can call the police for all I care.  I will do a name drop and the situation won't be an issue.  I'm not going to be made to look like a criminal because I own a Jag which requires me to carry around a Jag remote because they don't use keys.  Or... because I carry a very expensive purse (which was why the alarm went off in the first place, so they say).  They can simply update their alarm system. 

Nevertheless, I was enraged over this stupid situation for HOURS!  That isn't normal for me.  I HATE these crazy hormones.  I need to wear a shirt that says, "I'm pregnant and I'm ready to go off on you at a moments notice!  Stand Clear!"  So, how did I get over this?  I went shopping for my sweet little boy.  That always puts me in a good mood... and always brings a smile to my face.

When the hell am I going to go back to normal?? The bitchy part of me is great and all...but I don't need to see it this often.  UGH!

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