Tuesday, September 13, 2011

21 Week Update.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant...so let me give everyone an update.

So far ... the second trimester is easier than the first.  I have much more energy!!  I really feel like I could run a marathon... but I won't.  I am still terrified to run.  I have some weird vision of me running and my child bouncing around hitting his little head on my insides.  So... there will be no running.  I do cardio everyday.. well.. I try to at least :)

Now... the weight issue.  Moments ago I stepped out of the shower, and I was SURPRISED to see a whale in my bathroom!! Oh...no... wait.. THAT WAS JUST ME!  A fat, white whale!  Now, some of you might think I'm being ridiculous, but you didn't see the horror in my bathroom!!  From the front, it's very noticeable that I've gained weight.  BUT... my abs still look like they are desperately trying to hold on to form.  For a second, I totally think I'm not as huge as I thought.  THEN, I turn to the side.  HOLY FAT FROG, Batman!  I mean ... what the hell?!?!  There are rolls I've never seen in my life.  It's like...the fatter I get the shorter I look!!! I am turning into a chunkball.  It's sooo embarrassing to go out of the house.  I have to search for hours to find something...ANYTHING that will make me look someone thin... and no such luck.  I have to cake on makeup.... shading areas of my face in hopes some idiot will think it's not makeup but my old chiseled face.  I'm pretty sure I look like a clown.

Some women only gain weight in their stomach... bitches!  Some women will gain a couple other places (ex: thighs and ass)... BITCHES!  I, being the lucky lady that I am, GAIN EVERYWHERE!  That fuckin Eve... why the hell did she have to eat that fuckin apple!?!?!  She ruined it for all of us... bitch.  So, all I can do it try to put as much self tanner on... do my clown makeup... and wear black.  UGH... the torture of being a chunk.

Now, what gets me through the day.... are these people who didn't see the waif Sam.  I'm beginning to think these folks are thinking I started out chunky.  Ex: I went to the Neurologist the other day, and I was talking to the front nurse about my pregnancy.  She said, "How far long are you?"  I told her 20 weeks.  She said, "Oh my... are you serious??  You look great!  I really couldn't even tell you were pregnant."  Then, she called two other nurses over and asked them how far along they thought I was.  They thought I had just found out I was pregnant.  When I told them I was due in January, one nurse said, "Honey, are you serious?  I mean are you sure?  You are tiny!"  Well...that about made my month.  I get it all the time from sales clerks when I buying his clothes too.  I just don't understand it.  PEOPLE... I AM HUGE!!  I'm starting to think these people are just being nice since I look at hot damn mess....or maybe there is a serious need for glasses in the state of Tennessee.

Moving on... I feel the baby kick all the time.  They are the best moments.  Every single kick is precious.  BUT... what the hell are the vibrations?  I noticed them today.  I swear the kid is having a seizure in here... or he's going to be a super hero... CAPTAIN VIBRATE!  What is it?!!  I, against my better judgment, googled these vibrations.  Some said it was him having a muscle spasm, some said it was him kicking my cervix, and some said it was baby hiccups.  So... I have no idea why he vibrates, but I'm thinking it's okay since I still feel big movements from him.  As long as he's moving, I'm sane.   

I've already started reading to him...AND... I made Brian read him a book too.  Although, when he reads to Stanley, I just end up laughing the whole time.  Hopefully, my lil Stanley cakes won't laugh at Daddy every time he tries to read a book.  :)

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