Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Women Are Superior!

I almost feel sorry for men.

They are these creatures that walk around and aren't able to create a life in their own bodies.  Even if they can feel their baby kick inside mom's belly, it isn't the same thing as the woman feels.  They don't get the same experience at all. Sure, they feel like the lucky ones.  Men don't have to gain weight and actually birth a child...so I'm sure they feel like they hit the lottery most days.  They can do physical activities, work, provide care to the best of their ability, and donate sperm to a woman.  So...YES, ladies, men are actually needed in the whole life process.  They just don't get the same experience. 

If we look at the whole man vs woman thing, I think the magical part of being a woman is actually having a child.  In other words.... FEMALES are much stronger than males. :)  Yes, I said it...and I 100% believe it.  We are MUCH stronger than men.  Men go to work and come home after a "stressful" day....only to complain about how hard their job is.  GIVE ME A BREAK.  I'm sure most of these men really do have stressful days, but women in the work world have the same stress.  Women just deal with it differently.  In fact, I think most men are complete babies when it comes to bitching about stress.  They always feel they have soooo much on their plate.... yet women do to.  I guess we just expect to have more on our plate, because we are women.  So.... we don't complain about it in the same way.  And... more than likely... us ladies have that girlfriend we can call and complain to quite often.  Men don't necessarily do that.  They bottle their stress, and let it build up.  Perhaps that's why they keep themselves in a constant state of stress. 

Okay...so, women have the babies.  It means we gain a ton of weight...stop drinking... stop going out to nightclubs... can't fit into our wardrobe... BASICALLY...we give up a year of our lives to provide care for a child that lives in our tummy.  Men don't have to do any of this stuff.  They can come home after a long day and have a cocktail (ok...they can have as many cocktails as they want).  They can continue going to the gym and wear the same clothes.  They can go out with their friends on a Friday night (if they so choose).  They never get kicked in the gut by their baby.  And...most importantly ... they don't have to birth an 8lb child. 

Pregnant women can't just come home after a long day on her swollen feet and have a couple dozen cocktails because her back is killing.  Pregnant women can't go out to nightclubs to all hours of the night in a cute little dress with high heels (ok...maybe some can but I wouldn't recommend it...and it may be a red flag that you're gonna be a horrible mom).  Pregnant women can hit the gym, but they can't always do the hardcore work-outs they did before.  Besides... we can't keep our amazing abs in check.  Now... men can do all that, but let's face it.... a lot of men gain weight right along with their pregnant ladies.  Actually, MOST men gain a ton of weight just after high school.  You know what I'm talking about.  I'd say 97% of the guys I went to high school with look a HOT damn mess.  They are out of shape... and look as if they let themselves go the day after high school graduation.  LOL - and...it seems like it's always the most popular/good-looking guys that look like that.  No offense to anyone...but YOU all have to know it's true..OR perhaps you're in denial.  That lone 3% actually managed to continue on with their good looks or even look better than ever.  Good for you, men!  And... men can go out to social functions every night if they choose.  Pregnant ladies are too tired for that.  Frankly, if my husband decided to have a "boys night" out, he would find his clothes on the front porch when he came home.  He knows better. 

This leads me to BIRTHING a child.  I honestly don't think men could ever have the strength to do this.  Okay, so SOME men might be able to hack it, but I honestly don't believe the majority could deal with it.  The human race would come to a screeching halt if men had babies.  Men are such wimps...they just don't want females to figure it out.  Sorry men... we know! 

Men get so disgusted by changing a dirty diaper.  You'd think they wouldn't .... lord knows.... they spend enough hours in the bathroom dumping it up.  Perhaps it's because men don't do the best job wiping their own asses... so maybe they are intimated having to wipe someone elses.  Men can't take pain.  AND if they are ever in any pain, they make a HUGE production out of it.  If something falls on their foot... yelling, cussing, and a time-out is needed.  If they get a cut, they need to stop everything because they are bleeding to death.  They convince everyone they might need stitches for a small scratch.  If they get a charlie horse, everyone in the neighborhood needs to hear the "OWWWWW!"  If they get a headache, they need to get in bed and can't continue on with life.  AND...someone please explain to me the need for men to "walk it out."  They have to walk everything out...yet nothing ever seems to get worked out that way.   

Honestly, I'm not scared to change a diaper or clean up vomit.  It doesn't phase me.  If something falls on my foot, I might make a face depending upon how bad it hurt, but you will NEVER hear me scream about it.  I'm more of a ... "stand in one place and hold your foot for a second" type.  As long as nothing is broken, I can get moving...even if it's with a limp.  If i get a cut, it's really not a big deal....as long as I don't get blood on my nice clothes!!!  If I get a charlie horse, you can be sitting right next to me, and you'd never know I was having the worst cramp of my life.  I just don't think we need a production.  I dream about the day when I can have headaches over migraines.  Us ladies tend to function just fine with even the worst migraines. 

Now, with all of that said.... we all still adore our men.  They have flaws just like we do, BUT they will never be as strong as us ladies.  Ladies know this...men haven't figured it out yet.  Women are the superior beings... we just allow men to think differently.  It must be the motherly instinct in us. :)

Now...if we could just get a woman President, the whole world would make sense.....

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