Thursday, December 8, 2011

CPR Class....with attitude!

T-minus 7 weeks...and counting!

So, Tuesday night I finally went to my Childcare CPR class. I was super excited because I've never taken a CPR class. Since I'm a new mom and more than likely going to be a freak about everything, I decided that I should prepare myself for everything and anything. CPR is a GREAT step!
The hospital only holds the class during the week (Tues) from 7-9pm. I didn't exactly like the evening time, but I figured it was worth it. The class is basically dedicated to all things necessary to keeping your child safe in the world around us. Here's how the class went...

I got there like 10 minutes early, because I'm just one of those excited parents. I quickly realize that I'm an early bird, while the rest of the class rolled in late. (side note: We had to start the class 10 minutes late because of the slow creatures slithering in). Anyway...I had to sit in the front because I get excited about all things knowledge. As we begin the class, it was beyond obvious that I was the ONLY pregnant lady without her spouse…and there were 10 couples!  I immediately felt all eyes on me....ya know, people wondering what the deal was. I was thanking GOD I wore my rings. My engagement ring is getting a little tight so I don't always put it on. Thankfully, I squeezed it on before I left. When people tend to see a pregnant lady without a wedding ring, they start thinking weird things and assume the worst. (Side note: My husband was out of town for work purposes; otherwise, he would have absolutely been there with me).

The class started out fine.  I was pretty aware of everything the instructor was telling us.  I think a lot of it is common sense, although common sense isn’t that common.  It’s really nice to reconfirm I’d make the right decision in case of an emergency with my child.  We were going over different scenarios of problems that could arise in daily life…..doing the “What-If” part of the class.  I’m great at this section because my mind always runs down crazy scenarios anyway.  I thought I’d ask a bunch of questions (ummm…I was the only one asking questions).  I just figure the instructor is there to answer anything I want to know…so I ask away!  There was only ONE Q&A issue I had that made my head spin!

SO… The instructor was talking about car seat safety.  She was going over how you are supposed to put the car seat in the back of the vehicle and in the middle seat.  Well, I’ve heard this before, but I had some issues with that.  I asked the instructor, “My husband has an SUV, and there is no middle seat in the second row.  So, do we put the car seat on the left or the right?”  She said, “Well, do you have a third row that has a middle/full seat?”  I said, “Yes.”  She said, “Well…do you really want to know the answer to this question?”  I thought…No, I was just asking to hear myself speak.  Idiot!  I replied, “Well….yea.”  She said, “You will have to put the car seat way in the back in the third row…in the middle.”  I thought…ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  Who does that?  I mean… my husband is expected to crawl all up in the back of his SUV just to get our baby in a damn car seat?  I’m little and that would be a huge task for me to complete.  SO…this brought me to my next question….

I asked the instructor, “Okay, I have a car and am I really supposed to put the baby in the middle seat?  I mean what if I’m in a parking lot and struggling to get in the back of my vehicle just to secure my son…and some person comes along and robs me at gunpoint because I’m focusing on my child and not paying attention to my surroundings??  Am I really supposed to do all that?”  The class started laughing a little because I think it was a valid and yet bordering ridiculous question.  So… the instructor says, “Yep, you gotta do it.”  She didn’t answer the gunpoint question.  (shitty face).  THEN (here is the point where I got crazy)… some ugly-ass bitch from across the room says, “Well, looks like you need a new car!”  I asked her to repeat herself in which she did.  And…the whole room started to chuckle at the whole scenario.  I immediately got PISSED!  I said, “Are you kidding me?  I drive a JAG!  It’s brand new…I don’t think I’m going to be giving that up anytime soon.  I mean would you give up a Jag?”  The men in the room all said, “No! NO!  I wouldn’t give up no Jag!”  Well…fuck no!  It’s a very reliable car…it’s not like I’m driving the BMW Z4 two-seater convertible anymore.  I had to give up two-seaters for family life.  So…what was her reply, you ask??  She said, “Oh.”  OH?!  That was the best thing she should say?? Oh?!  Bitch stepped to me as if I was some peasant rolling around in a broken down piece of shit…and she says OH?!??!  I WANTED to say, “Bitch, what the fuck do you drive?  From the looks of your haggard face and clothing, I’m guessing YOU probably need a new car.  You probably drive a clunker that breaks down every five minutes.  It’s probably one step up from a Schwinn Bicycle. Ya dumb bitch!”  Thankfully, I didn’t say all of that, but I didn’t understand why she thought I needed a new car based on the fact that I was just asking questions.  

Overall, I enjoyed what I learned in the class, and I’m glad I decided to take it.  I feel super confident I can give CPR to a baby/toddler/adult.  We must always expect the unexpected.  And…I learned that if someone makes a ridiculous comment to me…I’m able to bite my tongue (AS MUCH AS I DON’T WANT TO).  After class, I got in my Jag and sped off...hoping I'd run over the haggard bitch.  

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